My New Job and Other Blessings

I've been so busy the past few weeks that I realized I haven't posted about my personal goings-on.

A job! I got a job! A few weeks ago I got a job for the holidays at the Church Distribution Center. I absolutely love it there. Every shift opens with a prayer meeting--prayer, thought and hymn--and we build testimonies and give compliments for 30 minutes. Where else can you find that in a job? I am working with the nicest people and I LOVE the spirit there. It has been a real boon to my soul to have that extra spiritual support. I've been dealing with a pretty severe trial for the past several years that is a hard one to wrestle with, and it has been such a blessing to work "for the Lord." In fact, my first day there in prayer meeting (I felt like I was sitting with my mouth hanging open the whole time), one of the sisters talked about trials and gave an analogy that really helped me. She compared trials to boiling water, and said that when a carrot is put into boiling water, it softens. When an egg is put into boiling water, it hardens. It's up to us to decide whether we will become hardened by our trials, or whether we we become soft and learn what Heavenly Father wants us to learn from them. I thought of how many times I've been an egg bobbing around in my boiling water. I'm working harder on being a carrot.

Something interesting about this job is that once things settled down with Brittany's meds and dr. visits, I thought that maybe it was a good time to start working again part-time. I almost immediately got the thought to apply there, and found out they had just barely put the hiring sign out. They scheduled the interview very quickly, and once I had my initial interview had an offer within a week. I was told that the process takes longer. The manger told us in that first prayer meeting that no one is hired there by coincidence, that we were there for a reason. I really felt Heavenly Father's hand in this.

About two weeks before interviewing, I started water aerobics. It was very scary for me because I am not exactly Hot Mom of the Year in a swimsuit, my very large swimsuit! I bought my very large swimsuit about a year ago and decided that once I lost about 40 pounds I would start water aerobics. I've been having a lot of trouble with an injured knee and it's been really hard to exercise for the past few months, then realized I was at the weight my goal was for putting the swimsuit on, and I was like, "Oh crap." But I did it! I got there early and was so nervous that people would be mean to me, but it was just the opposite. And I feel GLORIOUS in the water. It is one of the kindest, most healing things I've done for myself in years and years. I'm able to exercise much harder because I don't have to worry so much about impact from my weight. And my knee is doing so much better.

I have felt such an outpouring of the Spirit in helping me deal with the trial I have mentioned. It has been difficult and is one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was raped as a little girl, and I can testify firsthand as to what that does to a person. Flashbacks and fears that come out of nowhere, questions of why that happened to me and it wasn't prevented. . .these are only a few of the consequences. When I started remembering I didn't understand what was going on and I didn't want to believe it. I've struggled with feelings of bitterness toward God that I was in that position, and felt horrible for feeling that way. Some days I've felt like giving God the finger instead of reaching to draw closer to Him. I've dealt with horrible depression that even with medication wouldn't go away because of how I felt about myself, and because meds didn't fix the root of the problem. For several years I had the hardest time allowing myself to go to sleep because I was scared to dream, and would make myself stay up until I was absolutley exhausted--usually between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. The extreme amount of weight I've put on over the years is a result of me eating to fill the gaping hole I have felt inside. Doing the healing work has been hard and painful, and I've been largely alone in this because I hesitate to tell anyone. Kelly knows and has been very patient and supportive over the years.

My children know, too. Not all the gory details but they've needed to know as they've gotten older, when they've seen me not doing well. I didn't post today with the intent of talking about this, but as I've talked about the outpouring of blessings and how healing they are it just came out because this is what I've needed healing from. Someday when my kids read this I want them to be reminded of what the consequences of abuse are because they've witnessed many of those effects. I want them to also know that healing is possible and that the Lord has helped me so much. It's been a long process and I'm finally coming out the other end.

Brittany's Blessings

Yesterday was quite the day for Brittany! She got her patriarchal blessing, which was an amazing experience. It is so special to sit there and witness your child receiving that. For that short period of time, you really do witness a little bit of heaven. It's amazing to feel that spirit and to know that that blessing comes directly from Heavenly Father and is specifically for that person. I feel very blessed to be the mother of this noble spirit.

I had the same feeling when Shane received his blessing a couple of years ago. I know his blessing has been a blessing (that sounds funny) to him. I felt so touched by Heavenly Father's love for him and it was so humbling to hear his spiritual gifts, guidance and promises. It's a really good thing to get that perspective during the turbulent teenage years, both for the teen and for the parent.

Something else that happened was that Brittany's Jared (I can't say boyfriend yet because they haven't had that talk yet) told her last night that he loves her. She was floating when she finally got to bed! This isn't the same boy in the snogging post--she sent that kid packing when she found out he also liked another girl and realized that kissing for him didn't mean the same as it does to her. Jared and Brittany have been friends for a very long time and started officially dating when she got rid of the other guy. I think he's liked her as more than a friend for quite a while but there were a lot of mixed signals. Anyway, it's been very sweet to watch their relationship develop, and I have NO problems with him whatsoever. He's a very good person and has a really fun personality that makes her laugh. He's going at a pace that is much more appropriate that snogger boy. I kind of thought things with him might be headed this way when all of a sudden I was seeing him at the house constantly the week before her 16th birthday. :) He did take her on her first date "as friends." Something that's so cute about them is they were best little buddies in 1st and 2nd grades. We transferred her to another school in 4th and his family moved to Hawaii for a couple of years when they started jr. high so they didn't come in contact with each other for a long time, then they had classes together in 9th grade when his family moved back here and they became friends again. It's just so darned adorable I can hardly stand it!

Ahhh, young love. . .(says the hen in Disney's Robin Hood)

Next Season's Dancing With the Stars?

I found this on a board I post on and about split my gut laughing. This has to be preserved for posterity! Incidentally, Obama/Palin is Brittany's dream ticket. I'm having a hard time figuring out what I feel good about this election; I'd have no problem seeing them on a reality show, though!

Thou Shalt Not Covet. . .

I swear I am going straight to hell for this one, but it's kind of funny so I had to post about it. If nothing else, anyone reading this can shake your head at what a bad example I am and feel much better about yourselves on days when you're not feeling that great, because I bet you've never done this!

Two night ago we were reading scriptures as a family. We are in the part where Abinadi is preaching to King Noah's court, and he is reviewing the ten commandments. On the part that covers "Thou shalt not covet" he gives examples of what not to covet and one of them is not to covet "thy neighbor's ass." It kind of hit me funny and my brain wasn't exactly thinking donkey, if you know what I mean. I kept my mouth shut, though--and then as we went to the next verse I realized Brittany was trying hard not to laugh and I realized she was probably thinking the same thing. So wonderful, upstanding me--when we were done with the chapter I turned to her and said, "Do not covet your neighbor's ass!" She said, "Oh my gosh, you too?" and we both totally cracked up laughing (we feed off of each other when we get like that and can go on and on laughing for a very long time). Kelly and Shane were looking at us in shock, Shane in total disgust. Then Kelly said, "Have you SEEN our neighbor's ass?" and that made it even worse because we've gotten many plumber butt views when he's been washing his truck or doing yard work.

And that is how you, too, can be a righteous influence in your home.

Well Isn't THAT Just Peachy

I never want to see peach jam again in my life!! I bought a bushel of peaches from one of the fruit stands you see around town, excited to can peaches. I envisioned at least a dozen beautiful quarts of golden peaches sitting on the shelves of my food storage room. When I got to canning day and started the process of taking the skins off and opening them, I discovered lots of bruises and mush inside. Not wanting to chuck $18.00 down the drain, I made jam instead since you just cook it down anyway. Can I just say what a PAIN that was? After cooking and stirring 4 freaking batches, all I ended up with was 11 measly pint jars, because I STILL ended up throwing about 1/3 of the peaches away. And I don't even like jam! Kelly is going to be eating peach jam with EVERYTHING for the next year. . .bread, sandwiches, cream, rice, noodles, cereal, eggs. . .

All for the sake of trying to be a provident Mormon woman. LOL

Shane got a Surprise Party, Too

I forgot to post that I did a surprise party for Shane the week following his birthday. It was very tricky trying to pull that off--originally I wanted to do it the night of, but that's when Greg's wedding dinner was. Then I was going to do it the following day, but Shane had a ballroom competition. Amanda was helping me by giving out invitations, but it kept not working out!! So we finally ended up doing it the following Saturday at lunchtime. I thought he might be onto it but he did end up being surprised. I did the pizza and cake etc. thing--they played tournaments with Kelly's foam swords and played Apples to Apples (that game has proven to be one of the best purchases I ever made!). The decoy was Amanda and Nathan taking him "out to lunch" but then changing their minds and going to the park, then stopping by the house. They had a lot of fun.

The End of the World, or So It May Seem

I don't have much to say today other than with all the market crashes and other economy stresses, it feels like the end of the world to me sometimes. I'm grateful that for the most part we're doing okay financially--we refinanced our home at a fixed rate (we were on one of those ARMs that everyone is screaming about) at about this time last year, before things went so haywire, so we got out of that before it got too bad. It was pretty ridiculous what the variable interest rate was doing to our house payments, so I can understand why it's been so hard on people. I think we got our refinance done in just the nick of time.

I find myself freaking out about possible natural disasters, food storage, all that stuff lately.

And can I just say that it's expensive having a graduating senior?! I feel like I'm forking money over CONSTANTLY. I had to send a deposit today for Shane's cap and gown/tassle package and his announcements, etc. It is really expensive. And class rings--whatever! He wants one but they are ridiculous. The company makes it sound like you have to order them RIGHT NOW. The class ring package came right after we paid $300.00 toward his Ballroom/Dance Team tour. It's ridiculous.