CRRASSSSHHHH!!!

Yesterday while I was working at the Provo mall I looked up and saw Brittany, who then showed me "the coolest picture ever" on her camera. This is what I saw. Guess whose car it is? Yep; ours.

I had the van, so Kelly and Brittany hopped into our red '87 Toyota Corolla to come and see me and got stuck during the POUNDING of a snowstorm we got in Utah Valley yesterday. It was crazy. While they were dring they heard a crash and this is what the back windshield looked like. It was still snowing and they ended up with tons of snow in the car. So Kelly dropped Brittany off and took the car home to put it in the garage.

We're not sure what caused it to break, but it turns out the only way to replace it is to find it at a junkyard somewhere because no one makes that windshield anymore. Who woulda thunk? Needless to say, Kelly and Shane are not happy campers right now since that's the vehicle they usually drive--Shane the most, unless Kelly needs it for work (like right now because of the weather).

It was still storming really bad when I was done with work, so Brittany and I got lunch at the food court, finished Christmas shopping that was otherwise going to happen at Wal-Mart, and went and saw the Twilight movie. I told her I was fine with spending the night there in one of the massage chairs and declaring us "snowed in." She didn't like that idea and we finally made it home to my very upset husband.

The movie was good, though. :)

WHEW

I made it through one crazy Sunday today. Last night I wasn't sure how I was going to do because I was feeling sick yesterday (kind of achey, etc. how you are coming off of an illness) again and I think I have a sinus infection. Hooray.

Any-hoo. How's this for a ridiculous day? Not only was it my Sunday to teach Relief Society, but I also had a piano solo for the Sacrament Meeting Christmas program. It was good that I went home early from work because I really needed the extra practice time. On top of that, Kelly and I are on the ward activities committee and we had the ward PARTY last night. And I had visiting teaching appointments this morning at 9:30 and this afternoon at 3:00. Yow. I'm feeling a little like I've been hit by a truck.

The piano solo went better than last time I played it--it's an arrangement of The First Noel that I played at Enrichment and I wasn't happy with that performance at all. The key difference this time, I think, was that I had Kelly come up with me as my "page turner." Really what I needed was a wall so I didn't have any congregation views in my peripheral vision. It wasn't perfect but I remembered one of my piano teachers telling me that one of the keys to being a good pianist was being able to effectively COVER UP mistakes. I certainly did a fair share of covering up, but at least the parts that were really important to me for expression came out all right.

I thought Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. I guess "keeping the Sabbath Day holy" doesn't necessarily mean resting. Did the Lord REALLY rest on the 7th day?

AGAIN

I know I just finished my last post but I just looked out the window and it's SNOWING. AGAIN. Uggggh. I did a lot of shoveling yesterday evening and it is really coming down now--huge flakes, wind and everything.

Curses, Brittany, curses!! Santa must really like you (I just realized that if you rearrange the letters in Santa you can also spell Satan).

Feeling Merrier. . .Thanks to my "Grandmas"

I'm feeling better today. I've been able to get a lot done over the past 3 days and it feels good. Got most of my shopping done Tuesday and did wrapping Wednesday.

Yesterday I delivered some little snowman dudes I got at the craft store to some of the grandmas that live in my neighborhood. Can I just say that that was one of the nicest afternoons I've spent in quite a while? Every single one of them wanted me to come in and visit, and it was so nice. They were so happy to be thought of! I love talking with grandmas; it's so fun to get to know them better and hear some of their experiences and just gab. I think it's sad that as humans we tend to gravitate towards people our own ages; we can learn a LOT from each other at all ages, I think.

I actually did housework today. It was amazing. I also got some piano practicing in and I'm making soup so that everyone can eat real dinner tonight after I've gone to work (for some reason no one around here is capable of putting a meal together themselves. Shane thinks there is no food in the house if we're not stocked up on crackers--it drives me CRAZY).

My Holiday Meltdown

So yesterday I had a complete panic attack. I literally woke up around 4:00 gasping because it hit me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING how close it was to Christmas. And I had very little shopping done. I've been working a LOT the past few weeks and haven't had time to do everything.

I was scheduled to work yesterday and I had a feeling that it would be a good idea for me to call in and ask if they still needed to cut hours and volunteer to give up my shift. My shift was actually an extra one that had been added and up for grabs, so I took it. Then at around 8:00 the director called and told me my shift had been cancelled and I was like, "No problem!"

I got quite a bit done, but I always battle feeling panicky this time of year. Spending those larger chunks of money really freaks me out and I get worried that I'll be sorry that I spent the money on anything other than food staples the day the world ends and we're all living in our basements chewing on the wheat we have in food storage. LOL I know it's ridiculous, but I really do go there. Except for chewing on raw wheat, maybe. Except that that's what we'd have to do at our house since WE DON'T HAVE A WHEAT GRINDER!! Hmmm. . .maybe that's what I should get ME for Christmas.

I've definitely realized the past few days that I have not been living in a very balanced way over the past month. I haven't allowed time to do water aerobics or keep up with housework, etc. In fact, yesterday I got sick and I'm home from work again today. I've gotta quit being stupid.

Snow, snow. . .GO AWAY!!

We got our first big snow Sunday night. Yesterday morning it was EVERYWHERE. Pretty, indeed, but my frustration level goes up a LOT with having to shovel, salt and scrape everything. Everyone was pretty grumpy yesterday morning, too--Shane was not happy about having to go outside and shovel snow with Kelly. The only happy person was Brittany. She LOVES the snow, and has been eagerly awaiting a good snowfall so she can go sledding. Jared doesn't like the cold but told her he would take her. Sadly, it didn't pan out because she has her electronic baby for child development at school--she wears a sensor on her wrist that she has to scan him with when he cries, so she can't get a "babysitter." For her sake, hopefully the snow will stick around long enough for her to get her sledding fix. . .but I can honestly say that I will be glad when it's gone. I like a good snow on Christmas day, and after that it can just stay in the mountains.

I know, I'm no fun. Oh well. Take me to Hawaii.

He's Baa-aack

Shane got back from dance tour late Sunday night. I was glad to get him back safe and sound; I got a little worried the later it got. He seems to have had a good time. . .I haven't heard a lot so far because he had school and work yesterday and we were all grumpy waking up to snow needing to be shoveled and scraped this morning. He did say that when they were at downtown Disneyland there was a live band that started playing a cha-cha so they started dancing and gathered a crowd. He said they did a couple of other dances for them as well and got some good applause. He was pretty excited about that!

This is the poster I made and put up on the garage for him to welcome him home. I always (or almost always) make welcome home posters when Kelly or the kids have been gone. I'm never gone.

MoTab Christmas Concert

Last night we went to the Tabernacle Choir/Orchestra at Temple Square Christmas Concert. It was sooooo good! I was very excited that we got tickets--even though they're free, they're not easy to come by. You have to register online and then it's kind of a raffle drawing as far as who actually gets tickets. The guests this year were singer/musician Brian Stokes Mitchell and award-winning actor Edward Hermann. It was really amazing. Brian Stokes Mitchell is an amazing singer and entertainer. I loved the version he did of "The Friendly Beasts;" he did different voices for each one and it was so funny. I also loved it when he sang his song from The Prince of Egypt and a song called "New Words." He sang several others and it was just so good. Edward Hermann did a narrative from the writings of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow those was amazing. I can see why he has won so many screen and stage awards! To our family he will always be beloved for his role on the TV show Gilmore Girls, which is what I know him best for.

Since Shane was has been on his dance tour, Brittany invited Jared to go with us. It was really a nice, fun evening. We went out to dinner at Zupa's in Provo before heading to Salt Lake. We had some time still before the doors opened, so we went to the 10th floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building to look at the view, then walked around Temple Square. The lights, of course, were beautiful and I loved the nativity that they had at the reflecting pool.

Something funny that happened was at one point when Brittany and Jared were coming back to their seats before the concert started, someone referred to Jared as Brittany's husband. They thought that was pretty funny!

What do you do with YOUR brainspace?

I have come to realize lately that I really do have limited brainspace. I remember seeing a little "ha-ha" email or post several years ago called "Age-Activated ADD" that was supposed to be such an adorable little laugh at getting old. Things like walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there, or opening a cupboard door and having no idea what you were going to get. I read this in my mid-30s and thought, "So if you've always been like that, what does THAT mean?! Early onset Alzheimer's or something?" Yeah, maybe. . .so kids, if you're reading this now and I'm in my 60s wondering who you are, here are your first possible indicators that Mom was losing her marbles (okay, so you always knew. . .it's not like it's ever been a big secret or anything. Consider this confirmation and my official admission).

So the way it's been going lately is that since I've started working, I don't remember much else other than my work schedule because I have to focus so hard to keep it straight. . .and that is with writing it in my purse calendar and on the big calendar at home!

If one of my kids is having challenges, that becomes my focus. If I start a hobby, that gets the brainspace. It's ridiculous how hard it is for me.

Also, when I am dealing with issues in therapy and it's really hairy, it takes a LOT to process and that's pretty much it. There are days and weeks that are so hard for me to get through. I have the hardest time remembering stupid things like "I need to cook dinner," "Oh yeah, housework. . ." and balancing the checkbook? Forget it. I can sit and stare at it for hours. So therapy is pretty much on hold until January so that I can continue to remember how to operate the cash registers and talk intelligently at work. I don't think they'd enjoy me off in some corner curled up in fetal position.

Part of this is the effects of traumatic memory, I think; I have had times when I've made progress in therapy and get a bit of a "breather" and I'm amazed at how much I'm able to accomplish. I feel on top of the world during those times--then BAM!! I fall on my butt again and sure enough, it turns out that my wonderful subconscious decides that since I am doing so well I can handle some more stored information. It's just lovely.

Even without the trauma, though, I think that my brain is a bit defective. At my best I'm still an airhead. I look forward to the day when I'm just a happy airhead. How's THAT for a dream? At least I'm reaching acceptance, right?

Sir Twinkletoes

So we went to the Mountain View Orchesis and Ballroom Dance Concert on Friday to watch Shane and his fellow ballroom dancers. It was a really great concert! I never would have thought that my SON would follow in my footsteps (that's right, I used to prance around in a leotard way back when and was in Orchesis)! This is the same kid who wouldn't go NEAR music lessons of any kind and showed no inclination toward dancing. I did notice in jr. high that he had good form when dancing in the chorus of a couple of musicals he was in (a girl got him to audition for the first one). Ballroom happened kind of by accident--when we transferred him back to Mountain View last year and were doing his schedule, his last period that needed to be filled had only three classes available--ballroom being one of them. He decided to try it on a whim and has been hooked ever since.

It was really fun watching him at the concert! He really enjoys it and is doing a great job. My two favorite dances were the one to "Die Another Day" which is becoming their signature piece, and the Viennese Waltz, done to "Carol of the Bells." The waltz ended with a group of the guys lifting one of the couples into the air. It was really cool.

They leave on their Dance Tour tomorrow and will be back on December 14. They are going to Las Vegas, Hollywood and Disneyland. Should be a lot of fun!

Season of Pain, starting again

Yesterday morning Brittany was completely nonfunctional, as she had a mother of a migraine. I have been watching for this to happen more frequently, because for the past two years there has been a pattern where the frequency goes up around November, and the intensity increases around this time and from January through late March or so she's had more bad days than good days. Last year was a nightmare; she missed so much school that we used the home and hospital option for the entire second semester. It was absolutely miserable.

One thing that makes it so awful is that none of the prescriptions given for migraines really do anything for her. A couple have put a dent in the pain for the first couple of times she takes it, then don't work anymore. We did find some relief through living at the chiropractor's office 3 times a week when it was so bad, but she never got to a pain-free day.

Since then she's also been diagnosed as bipolar (not as bad as some who have it, but she definitely has cycles), and I've noticed than when she tends more towards the depressive side of it she has more headaches.

She's also had a sleep study where they noticed "a pattern of regular irregular heartbeats." That led to a 24-hour holter monitor study that showed the same thing and we now have an appt. with an arrhythmia specialist at Primary Children's Hospital on December 23. We've had a feeling for awhile that whatever is going on with her heart might be contributing to the head pain.

I took her to the chiropractor yesterday (we haven't been in quite awhile) and they found that her Atlas vertebrae was off to the side, so after a realignment she felt better. I'm glad she's better today, but I'm sad that my daughter is never pain-free. She made a comment to me last year that she doesn't ever remember her head NOT hurting. I feel kind of stupid for not knowing, but to her it was normal so she really never said much. How sad is that? My dream for her is to be able to know what it is like to live without pain. I can't imagine what it must be like for her; the best I can do is think of how I feel when I have a headache and then imagine jacking the intensity way up and think of the headache always being there. I'm grumpy enough when I have a headache; from where I'm standing she has a great attitude. She's developed a really fun sense of humor and really lives day to day as fully as she can.

Something Strange

So, I was working at the Distribution Center Saturday night and got one of the biggest laughs of my life!

Being a church-owned place, we play music from the Tabernacle Choir over the PA system. Saturday night, they played a CD from the "Legacy Series" (meaning OLD, LOL) called This is Christmas from 1990. I was working one of the cash registers along the wall and the closing manager commented at one point, "Oh, this is the COOL Twelve Days of Christmas." I had a hard time hearing the familiar tune, but eventually picked it up. Then after awhile I thought it must be over because all of a sudden "Stars and Stripes Forever" was playing and I thought, "What on earth is Stars and Stripes Forever doing on a Christmas CD?" when all of a sudden I heard, "And a partri-idge in a peeeear treeeeeee." ?!?! Shortly after that I was in the back closing my till down and two of the other managers there were as baffled as I was. It turned into the biggest mock session!! I was like, "Is it OKAY for church employees to mock the Tabernacle Choir?" :) One them asked if Mack Wilburg did that arrangement, and if he did he must have had a little drinking problem back then. They then found the CD jacket and read the title and description. Here is what it said:

A MUSICOLOGICAL JOURNEY THROUGH THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Music and Text: Craig Courtenay (My comment here is okay, so Mack Wilburg is off the hook for this one)

Commissioned by the Columbus Symphony Chorus for their 1990 Holiday Pops Concert, Courtenay's piece takes the venerable Christmas song through a sampling of musical style periods beginning with Gregorian chant and progressing to the turn of the century in America. As the music and listener move from one day to the next, the parody becomes more and more evident until there is nothing to do but become immersed in the humor and craftsmanship of the composition.

As Karla was reading this out loud, Joy (another manager) kept interjecting, "But it's a musicological journey!" I have not laughed so hard in a group of people for a very long time. When Karla got to the end where it says "there is nothing to do but become immersed in the humor and craftsmanship" I told her I thought she was going to read "absurdity" instead of "craftsmanship."

This piece lasts for about 11 minutes. I bought the CD so I could remember this night of laughter and that real people work for the Church. Also because the piece is so mockable, and there is nothing Brittany and I love more than a good mock session sans Gilmore Girls. This gave us some great material and I had Brittany laughing so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. Really.

We thought it was so funny that we played it for Kelly after church. He was furious. It made me wonder if the 1990 Columbus Symphony Chorus was furious, too! It really is the strangest thing I've ever heard.