CRRASSSSHHHH!!!

Yesterday while I was working at the Provo mall I looked up and saw Brittany, who then showed me "the coolest picture ever" on her camera. This is what I saw. Guess whose car it is? Yep; ours.

I had the van, so Kelly and Brittany hopped into our red '87 Toyota Corolla to come and see me and got stuck during the POUNDING of a snowstorm we got in Utah Valley yesterday. It was crazy. While they were dring they heard a crash and this is what the back windshield looked like. It was still snowing and they ended up with tons of snow in the car. So Kelly dropped Brittany off and took the car home to put it in the garage.

We're not sure what caused it to break, but it turns out the only way to replace it is to find it at a junkyard somewhere because no one makes that windshield anymore. Who woulda thunk? Needless to say, Kelly and Shane are not happy campers right now since that's the vehicle they usually drive--Shane the most, unless Kelly needs it for work (like right now because of the weather).

It was still storming really bad when I was done with work, so Brittany and I got lunch at the food court, finished Christmas shopping that was otherwise going to happen at Wal-Mart, and went and saw the Twilight movie. I told her I was fine with spending the night there in one of the massage chairs and declaring us "snowed in." She didn't like that idea and we finally made it home to my very upset husband.

The movie was good, though. :)

WHEW

I made it through one crazy Sunday today. Last night I wasn't sure how I was going to do because I was feeling sick yesterday (kind of achey, etc. how you are coming off of an illness) again and I think I have a sinus infection. Hooray.

Any-hoo. How's this for a ridiculous day? Not only was it my Sunday to teach Relief Society, but I also had a piano solo for the Sacrament Meeting Christmas program. It was good that I went home early from work because I really needed the extra practice time. On top of that, Kelly and I are on the ward activities committee and we had the ward PARTY last night. And I had visiting teaching appointments this morning at 9:30 and this afternoon at 3:00. Yow. I'm feeling a little like I've been hit by a truck.

The piano solo went better than last time I played it--it's an arrangement of The First Noel that I played at Enrichment and I wasn't happy with that performance at all. The key difference this time, I think, was that I had Kelly come up with me as my "page turner." Really what I needed was a wall so I didn't have any congregation views in my peripheral vision. It wasn't perfect but I remembered one of my piano teachers telling me that one of the keys to being a good pianist was being able to effectively COVER UP mistakes. I certainly did a fair share of covering up, but at least the parts that were really important to me for expression came out all right.

I thought Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. I guess "keeping the Sabbath Day holy" doesn't necessarily mean resting. Did the Lord REALLY rest on the 7th day?

AGAIN

I know I just finished my last post but I just looked out the window and it's SNOWING. AGAIN. Uggggh. I did a lot of shoveling yesterday evening and it is really coming down now--huge flakes, wind and everything.

Curses, Brittany, curses!! Santa must really like you (I just realized that if you rearrange the letters in Santa you can also spell Satan).

Feeling Merrier. . .Thanks to my "Grandmas"

I'm feeling better today. I've been able to get a lot done over the past 3 days and it feels good. Got most of my shopping done Tuesday and did wrapping Wednesday.

Yesterday I delivered some little snowman dudes I got at the craft store to some of the grandmas that live in my neighborhood. Can I just say that that was one of the nicest afternoons I've spent in quite a while? Every single one of them wanted me to come in and visit, and it was so nice. They were so happy to be thought of! I love talking with grandmas; it's so fun to get to know them better and hear some of their experiences and just gab. I think it's sad that as humans we tend to gravitate towards people our own ages; we can learn a LOT from each other at all ages, I think.

I actually did housework today. It was amazing. I also got some piano practicing in and I'm making soup so that everyone can eat real dinner tonight after I've gone to work (for some reason no one around here is capable of putting a meal together themselves. Shane thinks there is no food in the house if we're not stocked up on crackers--it drives me CRAZY).

My Holiday Meltdown

So yesterday I had a complete panic attack. I literally woke up around 4:00 gasping because it hit me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING how close it was to Christmas. And I had very little shopping done. I've been working a LOT the past few weeks and haven't had time to do everything.

I was scheduled to work yesterday and I had a feeling that it would be a good idea for me to call in and ask if they still needed to cut hours and volunteer to give up my shift. My shift was actually an extra one that had been added and up for grabs, so I took it. Then at around 8:00 the director called and told me my shift had been cancelled and I was like, "No problem!"

I got quite a bit done, but I always battle feeling panicky this time of year. Spending those larger chunks of money really freaks me out and I get worried that I'll be sorry that I spent the money on anything other than food staples the day the world ends and we're all living in our basements chewing on the wheat we have in food storage. LOL I know it's ridiculous, but I really do go there. Except for chewing on raw wheat, maybe. Except that that's what we'd have to do at our house since WE DON'T HAVE A WHEAT GRINDER!! Hmmm. . .maybe that's what I should get ME for Christmas.

I've definitely realized the past few days that I have not been living in a very balanced way over the past month. I haven't allowed time to do water aerobics or keep up with housework, etc. In fact, yesterday I got sick and I'm home from work again today. I've gotta quit being stupid.

Snow, snow. . .GO AWAY!!

We got our first big snow Sunday night. Yesterday morning it was EVERYWHERE. Pretty, indeed, but my frustration level goes up a LOT with having to shovel, salt and scrape everything. Everyone was pretty grumpy yesterday morning, too--Shane was not happy about having to go outside and shovel snow with Kelly. The only happy person was Brittany. She LOVES the snow, and has been eagerly awaiting a good snowfall so she can go sledding. Jared doesn't like the cold but told her he would take her. Sadly, it didn't pan out because she has her electronic baby for child development at school--she wears a sensor on her wrist that she has to scan him with when he cries, so she can't get a "babysitter." For her sake, hopefully the snow will stick around long enough for her to get her sledding fix. . .but I can honestly say that I will be glad when it's gone. I like a good snow on Christmas day, and after that it can just stay in the mountains.

I know, I'm no fun. Oh well. Take me to Hawaii.

He's Baa-aack

Shane got back from dance tour late Sunday night. I was glad to get him back safe and sound; I got a little worried the later it got. He seems to have had a good time. . .I haven't heard a lot so far because he had school and work yesterday and we were all grumpy waking up to snow needing to be shoveled and scraped this morning. He did say that when they were at downtown Disneyland there was a live band that started playing a cha-cha so they started dancing and gathered a crowd. He said they did a couple of other dances for them as well and got some good applause. He was pretty excited about that!

This is the poster I made and put up on the garage for him to welcome him home. I always (or almost always) make welcome home posters when Kelly or the kids have been gone. I'm never gone.

MoTab Christmas Concert

Last night we went to the Tabernacle Choir/Orchestra at Temple Square Christmas Concert. It was sooooo good! I was very excited that we got tickets--even though they're free, they're not easy to come by. You have to register online and then it's kind of a raffle drawing as far as who actually gets tickets. The guests this year were singer/musician Brian Stokes Mitchell and award-winning actor Edward Hermann. It was really amazing. Brian Stokes Mitchell is an amazing singer and entertainer. I loved the version he did of "The Friendly Beasts;" he did different voices for each one and it was so funny. I also loved it when he sang his song from The Prince of Egypt and a song called "New Words." He sang several others and it was just so good. Edward Hermann did a narrative from the writings of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow those was amazing. I can see why he has won so many screen and stage awards! To our family he will always be beloved for his role on the TV show Gilmore Girls, which is what I know him best for.

Since Shane was has been on his dance tour, Brittany invited Jared to go with us. It was really a nice, fun evening. We went out to dinner at Zupa's in Provo before heading to Salt Lake. We had some time still before the doors opened, so we went to the 10th floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building to look at the view, then walked around Temple Square. The lights, of course, were beautiful and I loved the nativity that they had at the reflecting pool.

Something funny that happened was at one point when Brittany and Jared were coming back to their seats before the concert started, someone referred to Jared as Brittany's husband. They thought that was pretty funny!

What do you do with YOUR brainspace?

I have come to realize lately that I really do have limited brainspace. I remember seeing a little "ha-ha" email or post several years ago called "Age-Activated ADD" that was supposed to be such an adorable little laugh at getting old. Things like walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there, or opening a cupboard door and having no idea what you were going to get. I read this in my mid-30s and thought, "So if you've always been like that, what does THAT mean?! Early onset Alzheimer's or something?" Yeah, maybe. . .so kids, if you're reading this now and I'm in my 60s wondering who you are, here are your first possible indicators that Mom was losing her marbles (okay, so you always knew. . .it's not like it's ever been a big secret or anything. Consider this confirmation and my official admission).

So the way it's been going lately is that since I've started working, I don't remember much else other than my work schedule because I have to focus so hard to keep it straight. . .and that is with writing it in my purse calendar and on the big calendar at home!

If one of my kids is having challenges, that becomes my focus. If I start a hobby, that gets the brainspace. It's ridiculous how hard it is for me.

Also, when I am dealing with issues in therapy and it's really hairy, it takes a LOT to process and that's pretty much it. There are days and weeks that are so hard for me to get through. I have the hardest time remembering stupid things like "I need to cook dinner," "Oh yeah, housework. . ." and balancing the checkbook? Forget it. I can sit and stare at it for hours. So therapy is pretty much on hold until January so that I can continue to remember how to operate the cash registers and talk intelligently at work. I don't think they'd enjoy me off in some corner curled up in fetal position.

Part of this is the effects of traumatic memory, I think; I have had times when I've made progress in therapy and get a bit of a "breather" and I'm amazed at how much I'm able to accomplish. I feel on top of the world during those times--then BAM!! I fall on my butt again and sure enough, it turns out that my wonderful subconscious decides that since I am doing so well I can handle some more stored information. It's just lovely.

Even without the trauma, though, I think that my brain is a bit defective. At my best I'm still an airhead. I look forward to the day when I'm just a happy airhead. How's THAT for a dream? At least I'm reaching acceptance, right?

Sir Twinkletoes

So we went to the Mountain View Orchesis and Ballroom Dance Concert on Friday to watch Shane and his fellow ballroom dancers. It was a really great concert! I never would have thought that my SON would follow in my footsteps (that's right, I used to prance around in a leotard way back when and was in Orchesis)! This is the same kid who wouldn't go NEAR music lessons of any kind and showed no inclination toward dancing. I did notice in jr. high that he had good form when dancing in the chorus of a couple of musicals he was in (a girl got him to audition for the first one). Ballroom happened kind of by accident--when we transferred him back to Mountain View last year and were doing his schedule, his last period that needed to be filled had only three classes available--ballroom being one of them. He decided to try it on a whim and has been hooked ever since.

It was really fun watching him at the concert! He really enjoys it and is doing a great job. My two favorite dances were the one to "Die Another Day" which is becoming their signature piece, and the Viennese Waltz, done to "Carol of the Bells." The waltz ended with a group of the guys lifting one of the couples into the air. It was really cool.

They leave on their Dance Tour tomorrow and will be back on December 14. They are going to Las Vegas, Hollywood and Disneyland. Should be a lot of fun!

Season of Pain, starting again

Yesterday morning Brittany was completely nonfunctional, as she had a mother of a migraine. I have been watching for this to happen more frequently, because for the past two years there has been a pattern where the frequency goes up around November, and the intensity increases around this time and from January through late March or so she's had more bad days than good days. Last year was a nightmare; she missed so much school that we used the home and hospital option for the entire second semester. It was absolutely miserable.

One thing that makes it so awful is that none of the prescriptions given for migraines really do anything for her. A couple have put a dent in the pain for the first couple of times she takes it, then don't work anymore. We did find some relief through living at the chiropractor's office 3 times a week when it was so bad, but she never got to a pain-free day.

Since then she's also been diagnosed as bipolar (not as bad as some who have it, but she definitely has cycles), and I've noticed than when she tends more towards the depressive side of it she has more headaches.

She's also had a sleep study where they noticed "a pattern of regular irregular heartbeats." That led to a 24-hour holter monitor study that showed the same thing and we now have an appt. with an arrhythmia specialist at Primary Children's Hospital on December 23. We've had a feeling for awhile that whatever is going on with her heart might be contributing to the head pain.

I took her to the chiropractor yesterday (we haven't been in quite awhile) and they found that her Atlas vertebrae was off to the side, so after a realignment she felt better. I'm glad she's better today, but I'm sad that my daughter is never pain-free. She made a comment to me last year that she doesn't ever remember her head NOT hurting. I feel kind of stupid for not knowing, but to her it was normal so she really never said much. How sad is that? My dream for her is to be able to know what it is like to live without pain. I can't imagine what it must be like for her; the best I can do is think of how I feel when I have a headache and then imagine jacking the intensity way up and think of the headache always being there. I'm grumpy enough when I have a headache; from where I'm standing she has a great attitude. She's developed a really fun sense of humor and really lives day to day as fully as she can.

Something Strange

So, I was working at the Distribution Center Saturday night and got one of the biggest laughs of my life!

Being a church-owned place, we play music from the Tabernacle Choir over the PA system. Saturday night, they played a CD from the "Legacy Series" (meaning OLD, LOL) called This is Christmas from 1990. I was working one of the cash registers along the wall and the closing manager commented at one point, "Oh, this is the COOL Twelve Days of Christmas." I had a hard time hearing the familiar tune, but eventually picked it up. Then after awhile I thought it must be over because all of a sudden "Stars and Stripes Forever" was playing and I thought, "What on earth is Stars and Stripes Forever doing on a Christmas CD?" when all of a sudden I heard, "And a partri-idge in a peeeear treeeeeee." ?!?! Shortly after that I was in the back closing my till down and two of the other managers there were as baffled as I was. It turned into the biggest mock session!! I was like, "Is it OKAY for church employees to mock the Tabernacle Choir?" :) One them asked if Mack Wilburg did that arrangement, and if he did he must have had a little drinking problem back then. They then found the CD jacket and read the title and description. Here is what it said:

A MUSICOLOGICAL JOURNEY THROUGH THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Music and Text: Craig Courtenay (My comment here is okay, so Mack Wilburg is off the hook for this one)

Commissioned by the Columbus Symphony Chorus for their 1990 Holiday Pops Concert, Courtenay's piece takes the venerable Christmas song through a sampling of musical style periods beginning with Gregorian chant and progressing to the turn of the century in America. As the music and listener move from one day to the next, the parody becomes more and more evident until there is nothing to do but become immersed in the humor and craftsmanship of the composition.

As Karla was reading this out loud, Joy (another manager) kept interjecting, "But it's a musicological journey!" I have not laughed so hard in a group of people for a very long time. When Karla got to the end where it says "there is nothing to do but become immersed in the humor and craftsmanship" I told her I thought she was going to read "absurdity" instead of "craftsmanship."

This piece lasts for about 11 minutes. I bought the CD so I could remember this night of laughter and that real people work for the Church. Also because the piece is so mockable, and there is nothing Brittany and I love more than a good mock session sans Gilmore Girls. This gave us some great material and I had Brittany laughing so hard we had tears streaming down our faces. Really.

We thought it was so funny that we played it for Kelly after church. He was furious. It made me wonder if the 1990 Columbus Symphony Chorus was furious, too! It really is the strangest thing I've ever heard.

The blonde is back! (Well, almost)

So we finally have our blonde daughter back. She naturally has very beautiful blonde hair, the shade that a lot of people pay a lot of money to get in a salon. In June I got a call from her at a sleepover asking if it was okay if they dyed her hair brunette. I, wanting to be an ultra-cool mom, thought, "Well, you're only a crazy teenager once, so go ahead," and told her okay. Next morning I was greeted with almost BLACK hair. It's faded over the months of washing to a kind of light-brown with some red in it.

I didn't realize when I said, "Sure," what kind of cost I was looking at to get it FIXED. I knew highlights are around $80.00 so with that in mind, called the salon to make an appt. Friday. I told them I wanted to get her hair restored back to its natural color, and they told me it would end up being around $160 freaking dollars because of having to strip it first. What we ended up doing was highlights matching her natural color (quite a lot has grown in so they could match it) and it was $65.00. There was a scary moment when her hair started to go PINK because the dye from the sleepover had a red base to it and it reacted to the chemicals at the salon, but they were able to fix it.

It's not completely back but it's a lot closer! There is a bit of a pinkish tinge to it--lessons learned are NEVER use haircolor in a box from the store, and have all your facts in line before saying YES to something like this. I've never colored my hair so didn't know what I was in for. :) I told Brittany that for future reference the answer is NO as long as we're still supporting her financially. If she wants to spend money on that later, more power to her!

Well, THAT was stupid

So my brother Greg told us this true story at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. He is a firefighter and this is a call he went on recently. He said it was the only time he's ever lost his temper on a call.

They got a call saying there was a 23 year old white male on the floor of his house who couldn't move. This was interpreted as him being passed out or some other medical emergency, so they rushed over to the house with lights and sirens. When they got there, the mother opened the door and took them downstairs where her 23 year old son was sitting, Indian-style, in front of his Xbox. He said, "I can't move." He had been sitting there playing his Xbox for 6 hours and his legs fell asleep. THAT was the reason they called the fire department. My brother said, "Get up," and the "kid" said, "It hurts." Greg got really firm and told him again to get up, which the guy did, moaning the whole time. Then Greg made him walk around, which he finally did while saying "It hurts." Well, der. Greg then explained to them that based on the call they thought this was an emergency and used lights and sirens, and how this not only ties them up from a possible real emergency call, but that it is a hazard to other vehicles when they have to drive that way. After all that, his mother still wanted him taken to the hospital to be checked out by a doctor and asked how much an ambulance ride was, and since they didn't seem to get how ridiculous the situation was, Greg said, "About 20 video games." The guy did the math, came up with $600.00 and decided he didn't need the ambulance ride after all. 23 freaking years old!!

Greg said if they ever get a call like that again, he's going to hook the person up to an IV, use the paddles and take their temperature rectally like they normally would for an emergency. THAT would teach them! Kelly said he should have used the paddles on the Xbox. LOL

So if you ever call 911 and they're tied up, they might have been sent on a call like this. Scary.

I am Thankful For. . .

Today is Thanksgiving, and we actually had a nice day today as a family. I feel very happy about that, because it is so hard to actually have all four of us in the same place at the same time to do things together. We went to breakfast at Village Inn after I got the cranberry sauce and roll dough done. We had some great conversation and actually ENJOYED each other's company! I finished the rolls when we got home, and we went to my mother's for Thanksgiving dinner at 4:00 (it was supposed to be 3:30; we were late). Then we went and saw a movie at the dollar theater at 7:00. We saw Wall-E; it was okay but not my favorite of all time. The kids and Kelly enjoyed it a lot more than I did. I loved the short at the beginning. :) That rabbit was hysterical!

Anyhoo, I thought it would be good to list some things that I am grateful for, this being the thankful holiday and all. Probably a good thing for me to do, since I tend so much toward worry and anxiety.

My list:

1. I am thankful that Kelly has a job. Not just a job, but a good one where he is paid well, he loves what he does, enjoys the people he works with and is valued.

2. I am thankful that we have a home. Tiny bathroom, laundry appliances in the kitchen and all. At least I don't have to use a laundromat or outhouse.

3. I am thankful that gas prices are down--one pleasant thing with all the scariness of the economy lately.

4. I am thankful for both of my jobs. Even though the hours at the distribution center haven't been fabulous, I've had the opportunity to get the hours I wanted through the other job.

5. I am thankful for my husband. He is my best friend, we love being together and he loves me unconditionally. I'm thankful that we love just hanging out together.

6. I am thankful for my children. They are both good kids who care about people and have desires to do what's right.

7. I am thankful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. What a blessing that is to me--I'm learning more and more about the Atonement and what that means to me personally, and words cannot express how thankful I am to better understand myself and the Savior's love for me.

8. I am thankful that I am healthy and that my body is in better shape. I've put it through a lot over the years and it's served me well in spite of that.

9. I am thankful for the good, kind people who are in my life. I know some pretty wonderful people!

10. I am thankful for the ability to laugh, and hope that I can develop that more.

There are many more blessings I have, but that's a pretty good list so I'll leave it there.

School Woes

It has been a challenging couple of weeks in regards to schoolwork at our house. Both of my kids are very intelligent but struggle with learning disorders that get in the way and make schoolwork difficult. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be one of those families who has the requirement for "straight As" or "nothing below a B." Sometimes I wonder if I'm a crappy mother for not requiring higher performance, and then at times like we've had lately I'm reminded that it would just be too stressful and very unfair to my children.

Shane has a processing disorder called Central Auditory Processing Disorder. We only got this figured out at the end of his sophomore year when I accidentally stumbled across a clinical psychologist who deals with "learning disorders" when I was perusing our insurance website to find an in-network therapist to take him to for anger issues. I have had to be extremely vigilant, even since kindergarten, to make sure he got the attention he needed in school. Shane has a very pleasant nature and because of this never stood out as needing attention because he wasn't bouncing off the walls or vying to ask the teacher questions, or acting out. He had characteristics that seemed to fit with ADD but not ADHD (nix on the hyperactivity). I really had to work hard to get him serviced at the elementary school--even had to be the one to request testing for Resource services when he was in 3rd grade because his reading wasn't fluent yet. I also worked very hard with him at home on his reading, and read aloud at night to the kids from books like Harry Potter so that he wouldn't miss out on what all the other kids were experiencing through books. He can read fine now but doesn't love it by any means--if it's not a book that REALLY interests him, you can just forget about it. Writing is still really difficult for him. I know that he can do it when he decides to, but because the whole processing thing is such an issue it is a LOT of work for him and so he deals with it by "checking out." He does do writing on the computer, writing scripts for movie ideas, and he does a really good job with that.

Anyhoo, after this specialist did testing with him he identified the disorder as CAPD, which is often mistaken for ADD without the hyperactivity typically seen in ADHD. The difference is the origins of the difficulty in focusing, which have to do with hearing. Usually people with this pass the hearing tests they give in school just fine, so it's not detected. The way he explained it is that there is a nerve which runs from the ear and processes what you hear to the brain. For most people, information processes along this nerve at a speed you could compare to the interstate freeway. For people with CAPD, the speed is more like state street. This affects written and verbal expression. Additionally, people who have this have great difficulty filtering background noise that most of us naturally tune out--footsteps, rustling papers, sounds of pages being turned, etc. and it all just adds up to NOISE. Wading through all that NOISE to try and focus on a teacher in a classroom is like climbing a mountain every day and is exhausting. A lot of times the person copes by going to sleep, which Shane totally does. The good doc told Shane to remember that he's not stupid, and he's in good company--Einstein and Tom Cruise had/have CAPD.

It was a blessing to finally have concrete answers, but it has been such a fight at the school to get him the help he needs, including an IEP in place to accomodate him. That's a whole story in and of itself that I won't get into, but right now we are dealing with two of his teachers whose teaching methods are completely contrary to how he learns, and a lot of unwillingness to even follow his IEP (which always blows my mind because an IEP is a legally binding document. I don't understand how teachers can REFUSE to follow the IEP. I guess I should be threatening lawsuits but I keep giving people the benefit of a doubt and try not to be confrontational). The two classes giving him fits right now are geometry and government. Sunday afternoon, evening and night culminated in Shane shouting at us while we were helping him with his schoolwork--Kelly with geometry, me with a paper on abortion for government.

Today I took him to East Shore High School to sign up for packets to finish off his science requirements. They do packets there, and have teachers in the labs who can give the students one on one help, so this will be a good option for him, but the trip down there involved a lot of shouting, too--he didn't want to go with me and was fighting with me about using one of his free periods to go there to work on the packets. It was absolutely horrible.

I will be so happy to get him graduated. Some days I have a hard time remember that this angry young man is the same joyful, happy little boy I gave birth to. I really hope that he can rediscover that joyful and peacemaking nature that truly is him. All the frustration he deals with has built up over the years and he just goes straight to anger a lot of the time now. I worry about it a lot, and it makes me sad. I also feel like I haven't done enough; I've tried hard to help him and also to advocate for him, but I feel like I've failed him. I wish we would have gotten the diagnosis sooner. . .sophomore year was an absolute nightmare. If I would have known all of this in grade school it would have made a HUGE difference. I would still have had to deal with apathetic or butthole teachers, but I would have had a much better understanding of what he needed and how to get it for him.

I'm tired so I'll talk about Brittany later.

HA!! And I wanted eight kids. Maybe God knew what He was doing after all when he only gave me two.

Views and Ratings Needed, Please

I have a favor to ask on behalf of my son Shane. He posted a music video on YouTube that he created from the Iron Man movie. He really did an incredible job! Since he's new on the scene as a creator I told him I'd post the link where I can so that he can get more views and ratings. If you could take a peek and pass the link around, I'd appreciate it! It really is amazing, and I'm not just saying that as a biased, loving mom.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSnbpmKMcK0

Let me know whatcha think!

Just Call Me The Blur!!

So, in addition to my job at the Church Distribution Center, I started working this week at the Provo Towne Centre Mall working the Hickory Farms and Lehi Roller Mills kiosks. Yes, that's right--I'm one of the dreaded kiosk workers that you may make a point of avoiding eye contact with during your holiday stroll down the mall. I, however, work for the places people actually want to shop at--so there!! I am the nice lady who will give you food to eat whether you buy my stuff or not. Just pretend you're at Costco on a Saturday piecing your free lunch together. :)

I was fortunate enough to get employment there through my sister in law, who is managing this year. Brittany is going to be working as a stocker for both after Thanksgiving. The hours at the Distribution Center haven't been what I had hoped, so I'm glad to have this to fill in the gaps. Another nice thing is that I always have my Distribution schedule at least 3 weeks out, and my sister in law schedules me at the kiosks around that.

I worked today, also, and even managed to squeeze water aerobics in this morning beforehand. It was a tight squeeze but I'm glad I managed it. It's going to be a pretty hectic month and a half coming up, so I'm really going to have to make an effort to get the exercise in. I need to remember that getting it in is really an important part of being good to myself.

Best of all, I'm scoring two new aprons out of the deal. One sporting the proud Hickory Farms logo, and the other with a big old turkey on it (like the flour sacks). I bet you are so jealous right now!

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, today I am one year further into my midlife crisis. I am now 42; my daughter is calling it the year of much knowledge because of that whol 42 being the answer to the universe thing from one of the movies. I do have to say that 42 doesn't feel as yucky as 40 did. With 41 I just didn't want to think about it, but it's been all right this time.

It was a nice day; I purchased the piano sheet music for The Nutcracker Suite and 2 MoTab CDs and told my husband to wrap them up. :) He wasn't too happy about that but I told them I really wanted them. He got me a new bottle and giftset of my favorite perfume, Happy by Clinique because I ran out.

My favorite things about today were that my family made me some special things. Brittany made my cards on the computer, complete with photos and poetry verses she made up. The one from her and Shane have a photo of them on the front; the one from Kelly has my favorite wedding photo on the front. Kelly made me a slideshow on the computer to the song "Everything" by Michael Buble (the ka-yootest song ever!!), and Shane put together another slideshow to "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story 2--all the photos are of him and Brittany together when they were little. I loved all of it!

My mom invited us over for dinner so I didn't have to cook, and my sis and her family were there. Mom gave me a reindeer "Happy Holiday" sign she painted and some money, and I scored a deal with Katrina's husband on their camcorder. I'm very happy with that because ours bit the dust two or three years ago and we have a lot of events coming up that I want that for!

I got lots of Happy Birthday wishes at Relief Society--wouldn't you know they didn't give me the day off from teaching, but they announced it was my birthday. We have so many nice people in our ward. I was a little worried about the lesson because my brain has been on overload this past week and I've had a lot of trouble focusing (what's that guy's name that I'm married to? j/k), but I think it went all right. I'm always reminded that the teaching comes from the Spirit, not from me--which is a good thing on days like today when my brain is fried.

Brittany says I need to make the most of my Year of Much Knowledge, because after this year it's all over. :) We shall see how it goes!

Yep, You Kind of Need Your Water Storage!

For anyone wondering if you really need to store the suggested amounts of water that are listed for emergency preparedness, I can say that I really think you do. And you never know what your emergency might be. It could be like the crisis our family has today:

Stupid Mom forgot to pay the water bill.

GAHHHHH!! There's nothing quite like turning the faucet on having nothing happen. We, of course, got the pretty green tag on our door stating we need to pay our bill and I was like, "Oh, yeah! I need to do that." I looked at the date and for some reason saw the 17th and put it aside because payday is tomorrow, then later when I had no water I looked at it again and it was the 12th. Don't ask how my brain messed that up; it just did. So how do you like THAT peek inside my head? I bet you're feeling pretty darned good about yourself right now!

It is amazing how fast water goes when you need to wash hands, boil water for cooking, etc. By some act of heaven we got paid today instead of tomorrow, so I went and paid the bill at lunch. They said it will be back on sometime today; I hope so, because I really don't want to deal with Kelly coming home to no running water. I feel SO classy today.

Hey, I just heard water in the sink! It's a beautiful thing. Those water turn offer guys have the cushiest job ever--open water meter, turn off water, get in truck, leave. Come back, open water meter, turn ON water, get in truck, leave. Hmmm, maybe that's another to add to my list of empty nester job possibilities. . .

My Name is Heidi and. . .

and I'm an emotional eater." "Well, der," the group says.

That is what I pictured my very first night at my emotional eating support group being like. Last night was my 4th meeting in a 12-week session and can I just say, it's nothing like that. I'm learning a lot, and it's nice to see that I'm on track with what I've felt was going on with my stupid eating for a long time. These are some of the nicest people I have ever met, and the counselor who facilitates the group is wonderful.

Something that was surprising to me after the first or second meeting was to realize how many different manifestations there are in eating disorders, and that really the root cause is the same. I thought that all of the people coming would be on the heavier side, but I have been surprised to learn that some have bulimia and/or anorexia. The main difference between me and them is that when I eat too much I don't throw up. I just feel sick for a couple of days and feel like an idiot. However, as the leader pointed out, we're gaining something from what we're doing. For me it boils down to trading one sick feeling in my gut for another one that doesn't feel as threatening. When I have the high anxiety, my knee-jerk reaction is to eat something. My body misinterprets that "hole" as hunger. I've been aware of it for quite awhile even before starting the group and have been working on it on my own, but the hard part for me is figuring what to do when I am feeling that way. We did an exercise last night, and part of it was coming up with alternatives. I had a hard time coming up with answers, so listened to everyone else and got some ideas that way.

I've had some bad anxiety this past week and am proud of the fact that several times I caught my desire to eat and realized that it was a stress response and didn't follow through. I'm learning to listen to my body better--I've had some situations where I realized I was THIRSTY or TIRED, NOT HUNGRY!! I've been so out of sync it's ridiculous.

We are using the book "Intuitive Eating," which is also used by The Center for Change, where the group is held. This book is amazing and totally makes sense to me--as I've read I've been like, "Yup. Yup. That's me!"

So this group thing is another good thing I'm doing for me. And I'm really glad that no one has said, "Well, der," to me. :)

Me with a Magic Wand

What would I do if I had a magic wand? Well, first my house would ALWAYS be clean. I would have self-folding and put-away laundry. The dishes would do themselves every night (I've been doing pretty good on that one for quite awhile but last night's are still staring at me and I can't deal with them). The Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations would switch themselves and the boxes would go back to the garage on their own. Remember that scene in Disney's The Sword in the Stone where Merlin waves his wand and the dishes all do themselves? Mine would be even better because they would just be magically done--no process, just done. The vacuum cleaner would turn on whenever needed and just take care of business.

My son would flush the toilet after he uses it, there would be no smudges on the bathroom mirror, and everyone would take care of the towels after they shower. There would be no shaving cream residue left in the sink.

My daughter's shoe piles would disappear, because she would put them away before getting to a 5-pair pileup. ON HER OWN.

I would never have to put gas in the van or buy toilet paper. They would just be there!

My checkbook would balance itself. No forgotten entries!

I would get a paycheck every week for my job as wife and mother. I would have benefits, too. . .my benefits would include hair appointments every 8 weeks, paid for, a weekly massage, a new pair of frivolous shoes every month and a professional organizer on hand whenever I need her. She would rescue me constantly.

Each of my fingers and thumbs would grow 1/2" longer, so I could play piano pieces with huge chords easier. It's really obvious that a lot of male composers have huge hands and must just think everyone else does, too. One day my grandma was looking at my short, stubby fingers and said, "Oh, you got Bernie's (her sister's) hands!" like that was the most wonderful thing. I said, "Oh, she's the culprit, huh?!" Turns out I got her stupid feet, too.

As it happens, the only magic wand I have is my cursor. I feel very cool because I changed it on Cursor Mania! It makes me feel powerful.

Hmmm. . .maybe Jared is a magic wand. He made Brittany get her homework done yesterday after school. It was like magic.

Happy 3-Month Anniversary to Me, the Blogger!

I've been blogging for 3 months now! I'm so proud. I may not have a following, but at least it's better than my ever-empty journal. Yay me!

Strrrrrrrrrrressful Day!

Yesterday sucked, and that's all there is to it. Well, it ended up good because Kelly and I went to the temple with a temple group from my work, but the rest of the day was BLAHHHHH!! Probably because we were going to the temple.

It started out with realizing that my paycheck didn't get deposited to our bank account, which we were in desperate need of. The thing that REALLY wigged me out was that this should have been my second paycheck, but I never got my first one. Typically they mail your first check and then after that they are automatically deposited into your bank account. I spent a week and a half looking for the first check, not wanting to be a brat, then finally brought it up at work. The other two people in my training group hadn't gotten theirs either and had said something, so they had already checked on it and told me it would be added to my next check. So I was REALLY not happy yesterday. The person at work over that was off for the day so a message was given to the store manager, who I had to wait two hours to hear from because he was in a training meeting. When I talked to him he said he had sent an email to HR in Salt Lake and was waiting to hear back and would call me. Two hours later I hadn't heard from him so despite not wanting to be a pest I called him again. He still hadn't heard back so gave me a phone number to call. Apparently they were out for the day because I had to leave messages.

Needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper. At all.

It's funny how crap happens when you're trying to go to the temple.

I got a check in the mail today, so at least I know I'm in the system, but I'm 99% sure they didn't include the first week. So I have some more squeaking to do.

Love Is In the Air

As of a week ago, Brittany's Jared officially became Brittany's boyfriend. I have to say they are very, very cute together!

I'm not feeling freaked out about this one, like I was about the boy in the Snogging post. Brittany and Jared have been friends for a really long time. I like him a LOT. Good guy, lots of fun and oh my gosh, SO funny. About a month ago he came over the day he found out Brittany had given the other guy the boot so she could talk, and I had just talked to Brittany, reinforcing NO BOYS in her bedroom. Jared came downstairs as we were finishing the talk and Brittany said, "Sorry, you can't come in here," (she was cleaning) and Jared wanted to know why (he's been in there as a friend when there have been several of them hanging out). I said something like because he's a guy and he said, "But I'm just Jared!" I said, "Sorry, house rules," and went upstairs. He asked her out on their first not-just-as-friends date that day and there's been quite a bit of snuggling going on since then. Whatever, "Just Jared!"

Shane and Amanda have been together almost 10 months. He's been making a slideshow CD to give her for their year anniversary. We love Amanda, too! She's a really good girl, fun and creative, and really encourages Shane to keep doing what he should. "Shane, you need to get your Eagle." "Okay, Amanda. Mom, I need an Eagle Project and I just passed off my last two nightmare merit badges that I've been fighting with you for two years over." "Shane, would you like to go to General Conference with me and my family?" "Why, of COURSE I would Amanda! There's nothing I love more than General Conference." "Shane, you should go to the seminary morningside." "Okay, Amanda. Mom, I need to be at the seminary building to go to the morningside you've been telling me I should go to for the past two years."

Having your kids date the right kinds of people? Priceless. And pretty darned cute.

My New Job and Other Blessings

I've been so busy the past few weeks that I realized I haven't posted about my personal goings-on.

A job! I got a job! A few weeks ago I got a job for the holidays at the Church Distribution Center. I absolutely love it there. Every shift opens with a prayer meeting--prayer, thought and hymn--and we build testimonies and give compliments for 30 minutes. Where else can you find that in a job? I am working with the nicest people and I LOVE the spirit there. It has been a real boon to my soul to have that extra spiritual support. I've been dealing with a pretty severe trial for the past several years that is a hard one to wrestle with, and it has been such a blessing to work "for the Lord." In fact, my first day there in prayer meeting (I felt like I was sitting with my mouth hanging open the whole time), one of the sisters talked about trials and gave an analogy that really helped me. She compared trials to boiling water, and said that when a carrot is put into boiling water, it softens. When an egg is put into boiling water, it hardens. It's up to us to decide whether we will become hardened by our trials, or whether we we become soft and learn what Heavenly Father wants us to learn from them. I thought of how many times I've been an egg bobbing around in my boiling water. I'm working harder on being a carrot.

Something interesting about this job is that once things settled down with Brittany's meds and dr. visits, I thought that maybe it was a good time to start working again part-time. I almost immediately got the thought to apply there, and found out they had just barely put the hiring sign out. They scheduled the interview very quickly, and once I had my initial interview had an offer within a week. I was told that the process takes longer. The manger told us in that first prayer meeting that no one is hired there by coincidence, that we were there for a reason. I really felt Heavenly Father's hand in this.

About two weeks before interviewing, I started water aerobics. It was very scary for me because I am not exactly Hot Mom of the Year in a swimsuit, my very large swimsuit! I bought my very large swimsuit about a year ago and decided that once I lost about 40 pounds I would start water aerobics. I've been having a lot of trouble with an injured knee and it's been really hard to exercise for the past few months, then realized I was at the weight my goal was for putting the swimsuit on, and I was like, "Oh crap." But I did it! I got there early and was so nervous that people would be mean to me, but it was just the opposite. And I feel GLORIOUS in the water. It is one of the kindest, most healing things I've done for myself in years and years. I'm able to exercise much harder because I don't have to worry so much about impact from my weight. And my knee is doing so much better.

I have felt such an outpouring of the Spirit in helping me deal with the trial I have mentioned. It has been difficult and is one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was raped as a little girl, and I can testify firsthand as to what that does to a person. Flashbacks and fears that come out of nowhere, questions of why that happened to me and it wasn't prevented. . .these are only a few of the consequences. When I started remembering I didn't understand what was going on and I didn't want to believe it. I've struggled with feelings of bitterness toward God that I was in that position, and felt horrible for feeling that way. Some days I've felt like giving God the finger instead of reaching to draw closer to Him. I've dealt with horrible depression that even with medication wouldn't go away because of how I felt about myself, and because meds didn't fix the root of the problem. For several years I had the hardest time allowing myself to go to sleep because I was scared to dream, and would make myself stay up until I was absolutley exhausted--usually between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. The extreme amount of weight I've put on over the years is a result of me eating to fill the gaping hole I have felt inside. Doing the healing work has been hard and painful, and I've been largely alone in this because I hesitate to tell anyone. Kelly knows and has been very patient and supportive over the years.

My children know, too. Not all the gory details but they've needed to know as they've gotten older, when they've seen me not doing well. I didn't post today with the intent of talking about this, but as I've talked about the outpouring of blessings and how healing they are it just came out because this is what I've needed healing from. Someday when my kids read this I want them to be reminded of what the consequences of abuse are because they've witnessed many of those effects. I want them to also know that healing is possible and that the Lord has helped me so much. It's been a long process and I'm finally coming out the other end.

Brittany's Blessings

Yesterday was quite the day for Brittany! She got her patriarchal blessing, which was an amazing experience. It is so special to sit there and witness your child receiving that. For that short period of time, you really do witness a little bit of heaven. It's amazing to feel that spirit and to know that that blessing comes directly from Heavenly Father and is specifically for that person. I feel very blessed to be the mother of this noble spirit.

I had the same feeling when Shane received his blessing a couple of years ago. I know his blessing has been a blessing (that sounds funny) to him. I felt so touched by Heavenly Father's love for him and it was so humbling to hear his spiritual gifts, guidance and promises. It's a really good thing to get that perspective during the turbulent teenage years, both for the teen and for the parent.

Something else that happened was that Brittany's Jared (I can't say boyfriend yet because they haven't had that talk yet) told her last night that he loves her. She was floating when she finally got to bed! This isn't the same boy in the snogging post--she sent that kid packing when she found out he also liked another girl and realized that kissing for him didn't mean the same as it does to her. Jared and Brittany have been friends for a very long time and started officially dating when she got rid of the other guy. I think he's liked her as more than a friend for quite a while but there were a lot of mixed signals. Anyway, it's been very sweet to watch their relationship develop, and I have NO problems with him whatsoever. He's a very good person and has a really fun personality that makes her laugh. He's going at a pace that is much more appropriate that snogger boy. I kind of thought things with him might be headed this way when all of a sudden I was seeing him at the house constantly the week before her 16th birthday. :) He did take her on her first date "as friends." Something that's so cute about them is they were best little buddies in 1st and 2nd grades. We transferred her to another school in 4th and his family moved to Hawaii for a couple of years when they started jr. high so they didn't come in contact with each other for a long time, then they had classes together in 9th grade when his family moved back here and they became friends again. It's just so darned adorable I can hardly stand it!

Ahhh, young love. . .(says the hen in Disney's Robin Hood)

Next Season's Dancing With the Stars?

I found this on a board I post on and about split my gut laughing. This has to be preserved for posterity! Incidentally, Obama/Palin is Brittany's dream ticket. I'm having a hard time figuring out what I feel good about this election; I'd have no problem seeing them on a reality show, though!

Thou Shalt Not Covet. . .

I swear I am going straight to hell for this one, but it's kind of funny so I had to post about it. If nothing else, anyone reading this can shake your head at what a bad example I am and feel much better about yourselves on days when you're not feeling that great, because I bet you've never done this!

Two night ago we were reading scriptures as a family. We are in the part where Abinadi is preaching to King Noah's court, and he is reviewing the ten commandments. On the part that covers "Thou shalt not covet" he gives examples of what not to covet and one of them is not to covet "thy neighbor's ass." It kind of hit me funny and my brain wasn't exactly thinking donkey, if you know what I mean. I kept my mouth shut, though--and then as we went to the next verse I realized Brittany was trying hard not to laugh and I realized she was probably thinking the same thing. So wonderful, upstanding me--when we were done with the chapter I turned to her and said, "Do not covet your neighbor's ass!" She said, "Oh my gosh, you too?" and we both totally cracked up laughing (we feed off of each other when we get like that and can go on and on laughing for a very long time). Kelly and Shane were looking at us in shock, Shane in total disgust. Then Kelly said, "Have you SEEN our neighbor's ass?" and that made it even worse because we've gotten many plumber butt views when he's been washing his truck or doing yard work.

And that is how you, too, can be a righteous influence in your home.

Well Isn't THAT Just Peachy

I never want to see peach jam again in my life!! I bought a bushel of peaches from one of the fruit stands you see around town, excited to can peaches. I envisioned at least a dozen beautiful quarts of golden peaches sitting on the shelves of my food storage room. When I got to canning day and started the process of taking the skins off and opening them, I discovered lots of bruises and mush inside. Not wanting to chuck $18.00 down the drain, I made jam instead since you just cook it down anyway. Can I just say what a PAIN that was? After cooking and stirring 4 freaking batches, all I ended up with was 11 measly pint jars, because I STILL ended up throwing about 1/3 of the peaches away. And I don't even like jam! Kelly is going to be eating peach jam with EVERYTHING for the next year. . .bread, sandwiches, cream, rice, noodles, cereal, eggs. . .

All for the sake of trying to be a provident Mormon woman. LOL

Shane got a Surprise Party, Too

I forgot to post that I did a surprise party for Shane the week following his birthday. It was very tricky trying to pull that off--originally I wanted to do it the night of, but that's when Greg's wedding dinner was. Then I was going to do it the following day, but Shane had a ballroom competition. Amanda was helping me by giving out invitations, but it kept not working out!! So we finally ended up doing it the following Saturday at lunchtime. I thought he might be onto it but he did end up being surprised. I did the pizza and cake etc. thing--they played tournaments with Kelly's foam swords and played Apples to Apples (that game has proven to be one of the best purchases I ever made!). The decoy was Amanda and Nathan taking him "out to lunch" but then changing their minds and going to the park, then stopping by the house. They had a lot of fun.

The End of the World, or So It May Seem

I don't have much to say today other than with all the market crashes and other economy stresses, it feels like the end of the world to me sometimes. I'm grateful that for the most part we're doing okay financially--we refinanced our home at a fixed rate (we were on one of those ARMs that everyone is screaming about) at about this time last year, before things went so haywire, so we got out of that before it got too bad. It was pretty ridiculous what the variable interest rate was doing to our house payments, so I can understand why it's been so hard on people. I think we got our refinance done in just the nick of time.

I find myself freaking out about possible natural disasters, food storage, all that stuff lately.

And can I just say that it's expensive having a graduating senior?! I feel like I'm forking money over CONSTANTLY. I had to send a deposit today for Shane's cap and gown/tassle package and his announcements, etc. It is really expensive. And class rings--whatever! He wants one but they are ridiculous. The company makes it sound like you have to order them RIGHT NOW. The class ring package came right after we paid $300.00 toward his Ballroom/Dance Team tour. It's ridiculous.

Snogging

So, my daughter is "snogging" a boy. If you don't know what "snogging" is, you haven't read or seen Harry Potter--the great educator of all things British. Snogging is kissing. Usually used more to describe make-out sessions, but we enjoy saying "snogging" when we know that Shane has been kissing his girlfriend.

We can now apply the term "snogging" to Brittany. She got her first kiss on Wednesday--in fact, she got two of them, at least. They went on their first date a few weeks ago and he's been over to the house "hanging out" a few times since then.

How do I feel about this? Do I like him or want to kill him? Am I okay with this? Before he kissed her I thought he was a very nice, respectable young man. Now I find myself wondering, "Who is this guy, really?" and wanting to hire a private investigator.

I didn't feel this way about Shane dating and getting HIS first kiss, because of course I am raising the most righteous and upstanding young man who has ever walked the planet, and any girl who has the privilege of dating him should consider herself lucky.

So as Brittany walked in the house Wednesday night, three feet off the ground and face glowing, I knew what had happened. I was really excited for her--I felt giddy and teenagerish again.

He had the nerve to kiss her again yesterday!! Nice boy, my foot. Maybe I should show him my foot.

Seriously though, it is a MUCH different feeling having a daughter start dating/boyfriending than it is with a son. Kind of like I've fed her to a pack of hungry wolves. I'm pretty sure everything's fine. He's got a great sense of humor and treats her with respect. Brittany told me today that he ASKED her if he could kiss her the first time, so maybe he really is the good guy we took him for when we met him. Anyhow, they're hanging out at our house--so we can do PLENTY of interracting! I'm setting up permanent quilt frames so we can all tie humanitarian quilts together and watch reruns of General Conference. Ahhh, I love me a good General Conference session, don't you? I may even pop popcorn.

Mother of an Adult!!

Shane's 18th birthday was on Friday the 19th. I can't believe that I'm now the mother of an adult!

It was a nice day; we started off by giving him his presents in the morning and singing to him. I bought him a desk and chair for his room a few weeks ago, and then the day before his birthday he gave me his "list" of possibilities. Deciding that he probably would prefer the dumbbells on his list, we returned the desk and chair. :) He also got the DVD set of Smallville season 2, a vest (suit-style, a lot of kids are wearing them with jeans a la Jonas Brothers), a book called 101 Creative Dates (he frequently asks for suggestions, saying they've already "done everything" as far as bowling, golf, etc. go), some candy and new earphones for his iPod. My mom gave him some money and a new tie.

We had a family wedding dinner that night at my mother's for my brother Greg and his fiance, Amy, since their wedding was the following day. I brought a cake along so he would get sung to, and after the dinner his girlfriend took him out to The Haunted Forest.

I think it was a nice day for him--being with Amanda was what was most important to him, I think, but I think he was happy with everything. I'm happy with the kind of person he is growing to be (despite my previous gripey posts). He surprised me on Sunday by affectionately kissing me on top of the head when we were in the kitchen (!). How surreal is that?

I have a new sister in law and nephew! Greg and Amy's wedding was beautiful (and very, very rainy). They got married up Little Cottonwood Canyon at Tanner's Flat, which is so pretty. It really poured down rain, especially during the ceremony, which is supposed to be good luck. So I guess we can take that as a good sign! Amy looked beautiful, and Greg's bald head shone. :) The reception was in their backyard in one of those Father of the Bride tents, and they had Famous Dave's Barbecue cater. Kelly was in 7th heaven! He told one of the caterers that it was some of the best barbecue he'd ever had, and he was from Texas. She understood immediately and took that as a huge compliment. LOL They had bubbles on the tables, which the kids loved of course, and Amy's son Jon looked extremely handsome in his tux. Katrina and I told him that he has to listen to our "Auntly advice now."

Kelly's Bucket List

So, I thought it would be fun to list all th suggestions Kelly got for his "Bucket List." I have to say that I am quite proud of my little creative self, because he LOVED the idea of everyone doing that! I think that was his favorite part of the party. Here is what he got:

Nascar driving experience
Climb Mt. Everest
Eat octopus
Sky dive in swim trunks
Eat LIVE octopus
Be the Texas Longhorn mascot for a day (He is an A&M fan; RIVALS)
Cruise to Alaska, ride a camel and swim with the dolphins (Delsa's winning entry)
Hike Mt. Everest (yes, that's twice)
Bungee-jumping from an airplane, detaching from it and parachuting the rest of the way down (that's Brittany's)
Look over the Grand Canyon in the new lookout
Pull shorts up above belly button
See something magnificent
Get sniper training
Become a grandpa
Visit Tahiti
"Rest in Peace"--nice, huh? :)
It's a great day to be above ground (??? maybe they didn't understand what we were doing)
Visit Alaska
Kick a wooden bucket (another Brittany entry)
Swim across Utah Lake (eww), run a marathon, do 100 pullups at one time
Pick up Shane from his mission in South America
Kill a man--a bad man
Go to the temple once a week for a year
Fly a helicopter
Grow marijuana for "medicinal" purposes--"helps with the effects of senility"
All day Star Trek marathon
Drive Route 66
Take Heidi to Europe--esp. England & Holland (THANK YOU MOM!!)

My favorite was the last one. If he does the all day Star Trek thing, I will be nowhere to be found.

The Real Surprise Party

Yesterday we finally pulled off Kelly's REAL surpise party for his 40th birthday. The party with the Young Men this past Wednesday was a "decoy" so he wouldn't suspect I was up to something else. I invited my extended family (Kelly's is sprinkled all over the U.S. and Okinowa) and various friends from our ward; the party was in our backyard. We had a great turnout and Kelly was really surprised! I played up the "old man" theme--one of his cakes had a rocking chair and cane on it, and said "Happy Birthday, Old Timer." On the bottom of his invitations I put "Come comfort the old guy and eat some of his cake." I made a poster of photos from him growing up through his mission, had a guessing game on how well people know him, and had slips of paper for people to write suggestions for his Bucket List. Prizes were Tums and Phillip's Milk of Magnesia. I was going to get Preparation H but decided the milk of magnesia was crude enough.

Brittany was my decoy--she pretended she needed a Dad talk and drive. I got a little worried because when she asked him he was settled into the recliner for some R&R and didn't want to go anywhere, but I needn't have worried--she threw a fake "fit" and then I chimed in with, "If your daughter needs to go for a drive and needs to talk, just take her." This was one case where her ability to blow the roof off the house with her lungs came in handy!

It was tricky getting this to actually happen; originally I wanted it for Wednesday but it wouldn't work because of Young Men's. Orchestrating for yesterday was tricky, too, with the whole Homecoming thing going on--Shane had my van the whole time. Thank goodness for my sister in law Tami who picked up the Costco cake (that is one great deal, btw) and for my mother taking me to Wal-Mart later to pick up the Old Timer cake and the other stuff. I left the paper products at my mother's house so she left the party to get them and my sis Katrina set all that up and made sure there was an ice cream scoop with the ice cream. :) My brain seems to only focus on one thing at a time!

People who came:

My sis Katrina, Nils and kids
My mother
My SIL Tonya and 5 of her kids--Stockton, Hope, Haylee, Harmony and Oakley
My bro Greg, his finance Amy and my soon to be nephew, John
Tony, Cara & Kaylee Kretschmer
Eric & Tamara Ardmore & kids
Tom & Donna Smith
Leonard & Delsa Laxton
Ricky & Nancy Ferrin
Tom & Doris Duffany
Eli & Barbie Clemens & kids
Greg & Miriam Peterson

My brothers Kevin and Fred, Kevin's son KJ (they both belong to Tonya), and Fred's wife Tami and kids Freddie and Nathan came late because they had standards night. They arrived as everyone else was leaving (Tonya had already left with the rest of their kids), and there was just enough cake and ice cream left. I had one lone piece of cake left after that and so Kelly got another piece. :)

Kelly's favorite Bucket List suggestion was from Delsa--cruise to Alaska, ride a camel and something else I can't remember. Brittany's suggeston was that he bungee jump off of a plane, then cut the cord and parachute the rest of the way! She almost won for best one, but he really wants to go to Alaska (with me, of course). There were some fun ones!

Homecoming

Shane went to Homecoming on Saturday and had a great time. His group kind of had "homebase" at our house, which included the guys cooking dinner for the girls. They started off with making muffins for breakfast, picking the girls up and going water skiing for their "day date." Day date?! When did this start? I'm baffled by the whole thing. . .I didn't know about the whole day date thing until he went to Sweetheart Ball this past February. I don't remember day dates back when I was in high school. . .then again I was never asked to a dance so maybe that's why. I always thought it was dinner and then the dance. Now it is a whole-day affair that ends with the dance. I'm amazed that they can last through the whole thing! These guys looked pretty bloodshot by the time they got all the girls dropped off after the dance was over.

Anyway, after waterskiing they took the girls back home to get ready for dinner and the dance, and came back to our house to cook. I got back from Wal-Mart and walked in to see two boys who I didn't know busily stirring multiple pots on the stove and preparing bruschetta on the dining room table. I have to say that I was impressed--they did a very nice dinner. They even bought fresh herbs and real butter (what can I say, I almost always use margarine). They had steak (marinated, even!), pasta with alfredo and marinara sauces, bruschetta (he made me some, and boy was it good), salad, and fudge for dessert.

Brittany and her friend Elizabeth got the table ready for them in the backyard after they got dressed and went to pick the girls up. They did a beautiful job--I told them that they should go into a catering business when they "grow up" and they were pleased with the compliment. They used white sheets for a makeshift tablecloth, put a vase of flowers in the middle and lined the middle the rest of the way down with tea lights. They improvised and put the tea lights in goblets and they effect was really pretty. They also tied all the utensils into the napkins with yarn and put Brittany's stereo outside to play music. The effect was magical--it was dark by the time the couples arrived and Brittany said all the girls were exclaiming about how it looked when they walked back there.

The boys were told by Kelly that they needed to clean up after themselves so I wasn't stuck with the mess, and they planned on it. I decided to take pity on them and did the dishes while they were at the dance--after I watched Coco Chanel on Lifetime. It actually felt good and I didn't mind. I have to say that it was amazing how many dishes they used to cook, though! It was cute seeing them go to all that work, though. They were really nice guys, very respectful to me and I enjoyed getting to know them. I paid Brittany and Elizabeth to finish the last of the dishes and scrub the stovetop for me, and they were happy to earn more money--they were already in money mode because the guys tipped them for serving the food.

It was a fun day for them, and I'm glad I put my bitterness from my last post aside. I could have made it a really crappy, uncomfortable night and I'm glad that I didn't. The guys showed back up at almost 1:00 a.m. to clean up and protested that we had cleaned up for them. They really wanted me to know that they were planning on doing it. They had stopped by Wal-Mart to grab snacks to keep them awake. Mountain Dew and bloodshot eyes! I'm glad I had pity on them.

Teenage Growing Pains

I have to say that I am not loving my job description right now. Having teenagers is HARD!! It is a thankless job with very few perks. Kelly gets recognized at work on a regular basis for his achievements and gets giftcards, nice meals and company "spiffs" thrown his way all the time. Me? I get, "What's for dinner?" occasionally from my son on the days that he actually decides to grace us with his presence at mealtime, and then what I make isn't good enough for him. My kids think I'm horrible for asking for their help with the dishes afteward, and heaven help them if I object to dirty socks scattered around the house! My daughter is adamant that no one is allowed in her room, and the way she keeps it makes it pretty easy to cave. Shane thinks his bedroom extends out into the game room downstairs, and what I intended to be a cozy, welcoming area for relaxation has turned into what looks like a horrible version of a bachelor pad.

I am grateful that I have really good kids, but this letting-go process is really difficult for me. One of the hardest things right now is that I hardly ever see my firstborn, and when I do he is usually really hard to engage in conversation. Kelly assures me that this is normal and healthy, but I think this is for the birds. Shane doesn't communicate with me, he's hardly ever here, and when he is I'm mad at him for him not communicating with me and hardly ever being here. And then I find myself looking forward to him being out of the house, which I know will make me sad because then he definitely won't ever be here!! I do think that by the time his mission rolls around I will be glad to get him on his way. He is definitely wanting to be an adult and independent.

I've decided that what makes it possible for parents to get to the point of being able to let their kids go is the whole teenager phase. I've been pretty shell-shocked with Shane since his sophomore year, and that's with him being really a good guy. The thing that has been so hard for me has been him going from a sweet boy who loves him mommy directly to "get out of my face--I can't stand you, I don't need you." It seemed like it went from one directly to the other and I've been left with my mouth hanging open. The hardest is when I can tell from the way he acts that something is bothering him, but he won't open up to me. He's turned a lot more to Kelly to talk and ask advice from, which I'm grateful for but also kind of jealous and very hurt. I always wanted to foster the kind of relationship with my kids where they would talk to me, and up until recent years with him I thought I was doing okay. Maybe the great secret is that no matter how you parent, your kids are destined to hate you.

Since there is a possibility that Shane and Brittany may read this stuff later at some point, I do have to add that I do love Shane, and that's why it hurts so much. He is a good person with lots of wonderful qualities; there is just a lot of friction right now. I do feel that my relationship with Brittany has gotten much better over the past couple of years. We talk quite a bit and laugh a lot together. I am grateful for that and enjoy those moments a lot. Maybe it's more natural for boys to turn to their fathers as teens, and for girls to turn to their mothers. It was definitely more reversed when they were younger. (Although as babies, they both preferred their daddy. I don't know what's wrong with me!!)

Well, I'm off to get supplies to make a corsage for Shane's Homecoming date. Stupid me for offering.

Happy Birthday to the Old Man!

Yesterday was Kelly's 40th birthday!! It was a busy day, but I think it was a good one for him. We followed our usual tradition of giving the birthday person their presents in the morning. Usually we sing them awake but he was up earlier than everyone else. I was so tired--I've had trouble sleeping for the past week or so and only got about 3 hours that night. He liked his presents--I got him some new dress khakis with a blue button-down shirt and matching tie that he can wear as an alternative to the white shirt and tie (I love blue on him because it really brings out his beautiful blue eyes), and a grey polo-style shirt with stripes. As he picked up the book I got him he thought it was a book Brittany had showed him that's based on the new Star Wars Wii game that is coming out in a few days--I hope he wasn't too disappointed that it was a book by Gerald Lund on personal revelation. His favorite gift was the movie Casino Royale from the kids; he was VERY excited about that.

I wanted to do a surprise party for him, but Young Men's/ Young Women's was last night and he is one of the Young Men advisors. Long story short, I got one of the other advisors to make up a bogus activity since Kelly was supposed to be in charge. He called Kelly and asked if he could do this other activity, and what they really did was come over here to do a service project as a birthday present--clearing out all the debris that's been next to the garage since spring when Kelly pruned the yard (we don't have a truck so haven't had a way to haul it, and Kelly doesn't like asking for help), and I had pizza, cake and ice cream for them and then they played on the Wii. My intention was Wii bowling but most of the boys are into Wii RockStar so they all went home to get their equipment and brought it back. It was pretty cool to see how that works. The other advisor commented on how he used to be in a garage band when he was a teen, and at least they learned something doing it--playing actual instruments. He said technology's even taken that away from the kids--they think they're so good on those guitars but they're not learning how to really play. I think it might be a good way to do drums, though. Brittany has been saying for a few years that she wants to play drums and I told her she can do that when she moves out into her own place. I don't think I could take the noise--Brittany tends to do things obsessively, and if we had real drums I don't think we'd ever get a break from the noise!

Anyway, I think it was a good day. I'm actually doing his REAL surprise party on Sunday--ssssh--and it's going to be glorious. Lots of "old guy" digs. :)

btw, the card I gave him yesterday was hilarious. It had an illustration of two half-full glasses; one said "this glass is half full," the other said, "this glass is half empty," and when you opened it up there was a glass with false teeth in it that said, "this glass is yours." He laughed pretty hard.

My Farmboy, a Scooter Ride and Our Funny Garden

So, I had a ridiculous morning today that reminded me just how sweet and wonderful my husband is. Since early in our relationship, the movie "Princess Bride" has figured in there. We served in the same mission and for one of our multizone activities our mission president gave the okay for the zonies to show it at one of the church cultural halls for an activity. Ever since then, Kelly has frequently used the line "As you wish" when he does something for me. It's very sweet.

What happened today was that I had a dr. appointment; as I opened the back door to leave the alarm went off and I remembered that I had reset it after Kelly and the kids left this morning. I didn't sleep well so went back to bed for a couple of hours. I had to run to the keypad to deactivate it, then rushed out the door to the van so I wouldn't be late, only to realize that I had left the keys in the house. My neighbor wasn't home so I walked to the gas station to call and let the dr.'s office know I wasn't just not showing up, then called Kelly to see if he could drive home on his lunch and let me back in the house. I waited for him at Wendy's and he cheerfully drove up on his scooter and had lunch with me. He asked if I wanted him to drive home and get the van for me or ride the scooter, and I opted for the scooter ride. It had started to sprinkle but I rode anyway. It was so much fun! Every time he started the scooter back up after waiting to turn I screamed because I felt like I was going to slide backward and land on my butt on the road. He thought that was pretty funny.

When we got home he had to crawl through one of our windows because Brittany forgot to return his housekey yesterday, which she has because she lost her key. If anyone ever doubted I was her mother, that similarity alone would be confirmation! I'm sure her keys will show up in some obvious place that's been right under her nose all along because that's what happens to me every time.

After Kelly was done saving me and he started back to work I thanked him for being so sweet and he said, "As you wish." My own sweet Farmboy.

While he was getting in the house I went in the backyard to look at our garden. It really is the funniest thing you've ever seen. It's our first real attempt at growing a garden. The cucumbers and radishes never came up, and the yellow squash plants grew but we got no squash from them. Out of the 12 tomato plants we put in, only 8 or 9 survived and of those only three are producing tomatoes. We've eaten six and they didn't grow as big as they should have. We have a little corn patch that is hilarious--we planted four rows of about ten, and we have these random stalks where one row has several in a row, then the next one has like two on either end; you get the picture. And apparently we planted late because they're about half as tall as everyone else who did corn. When I went back there today there was a flock of quail gathered on the ground where the corn was, ready to harvest it for us.

But then there is the zucchini. Brittany and I are the only ones who like zucchini, but even if no one liked it I would have planted some because I've heard over the years that people always end up with too much zucchini, just off of a couple of plants. So we planted about EIGHT zucchini plants, just so we could feel successful. We have a lot of blossoms and just a few days ago Kelly brought in some real zucchinis! But they are the funniest looking things--one is curved all the way into a tight U-shape and most of them are shaped really funny. They aren't nice and straight like the ones you get at the store, except for a few of them.

I guess we should do some Gardening for Dummies research so we have better success next year. I wanted to can tomatoes and what we got won't even fill up a jar!

Incidentally, the garden was something I wanted, so Kelly put it in. And Kelly has done the weeding and most of the watering. It's another of those "As You Wish" things. It makes me feel like a lucky princess. And kind of like a spoiled brat.

Blogger Inspirations

After reading my sister's blog a few times and following her links to one of my cousins, I've decided that since I don't do a good job keeping up with people and my journal has too many "It's been so long since I've written" entries (and I can't even find it, thank you very much!), I want to be cool and have a blog, too. So be it known to whomever may come across my humble writings that I, too, have entered bloggerspace. I'm so proud! I signed in by myself and EVERYTHING. Hmmm, now I need to figure out how everything else works. . .this usually culminates in me calling "Kelly, how do I do this??!" and trying not to yell at him because I can't figure it out. I'm an iVillage regular, so maybe this won't be too hard for this almost 42-year old. *groan*