What do you do with YOUR brainspace?

I have come to realize lately that I really do have limited brainspace. I remember seeing a little "ha-ha" email or post several years ago called "Age-Activated ADD" that was supposed to be such an adorable little laugh at getting old. Things like walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there, or opening a cupboard door and having no idea what you were going to get. I read this in my mid-30s and thought, "So if you've always been like that, what does THAT mean?! Early onset Alzheimer's or something?" Yeah, maybe. . .so kids, if you're reading this now and I'm in my 60s wondering who you are, here are your first possible indicators that Mom was losing her marbles (okay, so you always knew. . .it's not like it's ever been a big secret or anything. Consider this confirmation and my official admission).

So the way it's been going lately is that since I've started working, I don't remember much else other than my work schedule because I have to focus so hard to keep it straight. . .and that is with writing it in my purse calendar and on the big calendar at home!

If one of my kids is having challenges, that becomes my focus. If I start a hobby, that gets the brainspace. It's ridiculous how hard it is for me.

Also, when I am dealing with issues in therapy and it's really hairy, it takes a LOT to process and that's pretty much it. There are days and weeks that are so hard for me to get through. I have the hardest time remembering stupid things like "I need to cook dinner," "Oh yeah, housework. . ." and balancing the checkbook? Forget it. I can sit and stare at it for hours. So therapy is pretty much on hold until January so that I can continue to remember how to operate the cash registers and talk intelligently at work. I don't think they'd enjoy me off in some corner curled up in fetal position.

Part of this is the effects of traumatic memory, I think; I have had times when I've made progress in therapy and get a bit of a "breather" and I'm amazed at how much I'm able to accomplish. I feel on top of the world during those times--then BAM!! I fall on my butt again and sure enough, it turns out that my wonderful subconscious decides that since I am doing so well I can handle some more stored information. It's just lovely.

Even without the trauma, though, I think that my brain is a bit defective. At my best I'm still an airhead. I look forward to the day when I'm just a happy airhead. How's THAT for a dream? At least I'm reaching acceptance, right?