Teenage Growing Pains

I have to say that I am not loving my job description right now. Having teenagers is HARD!! It is a thankless job with very few perks. Kelly gets recognized at work on a regular basis for his achievements and gets giftcards, nice meals and company "spiffs" thrown his way all the time. Me? I get, "What's for dinner?" occasionally from my son on the days that he actually decides to grace us with his presence at mealtime, and then what I make isn't good enough for him. My kids think I'm horrible for asking for their help with the dishes afteward, and heaven help them if I object to dirty socks scattered around the house! My daughter is adamant that no one is allowed in her room, and the way she keeps it makes it pretty easy to cave. Shane thinks his bedroom extends out into the game room downstairs, and what I intended to be a cozy, welcoming area for relaxation has turned into what looks like a horrible version of a bachelor pad.

I am grateful that I have really good kids, but this letting-go process is really difficult for me. One of the hardest things right now is that I hardly ever see my firstborn, and when I do he is usually really hard to engage in conversation. Kelly assures me that this is normal and healthy, but I think this is for the birds. Shane doesn't communicate with me, he's hardly ever here, and when he is I'm mad at him for him not communicating with me and hardly ever being here. And then I find myself looking forward to him being out of the house, which I know will make me sad because then he definitely won't ever be here!! I do think that by the time his mission rolls around I will be glad to get him on his way. He is definitely wanting to be an adult and independent.

I've decided that what makes it possible for parents to get to the point of being able to let their kids go is the whole teenager phase. I've been pretty shell-shocked with Shane since his sophomore year, and that's with him being really a good guy. The thing that has been so hard for me has been him going from a sweet boy who loves him mommy directly to "get out of my face--I can't stand you, I don't need you." It seemed like it went from one directly to the other and I've been left with my mouth hanging open. The hardest is when I can tell from the way he acts that something is bothering him, but he won't open up to me. He's turned a lot more to Kelly to talk and ask advice from, which I'm grateful for but also kind of jealous and very hurt. I always wanted to foster the kind of relationship with my kids where they would talk to me, and up until recent years with him I thought I was doing okay. Maybe the great secret is that no matter how you parent, your kids are destined to hate you.

Since there is a possibility that Shane and Brittany may read this stuff later at some point, I do have to add that I do love Shane, and that's why it hurts so much. He is a good person with lots of wonderful qualities; there is just a lot of friction right now. I do feel that my relationship with Brittany has gotten much better over the past couple of years. We talk quite a bit and laugh a lot together. I am grateful for that and enjoy those moments a lot. Maybe it's more natural for boys to turn to their fathers as teens, and for girls to turn to their mothers. It was definitely more reversed when they were younger. (Although as babies, they both preferred their daddy. I don't know what's wrong with me!!)

Well, I'm off to get supplies to make a corsage for Shane's Homecoming date. Stupid me for offering.