My Name is Heidi and. . .

and I'm an emotional eater." "Well, der," the group says.

That is what I pictured my very first night at my emotional eating support group being like. Last night was my 4th meeting in a 12-week session and can I just say, it's nothing like that. I'm learning a lot, and it's nice to see that I'm on track with what I've felt was going on with my stupid eating for a long time. These are some of the nicest people I have ever met, and the counselor who facilitates the group is wonderful.

Something that was surprising to me after the first or second meeting was to realize how many different manifestations there are in eating disorders, and that really the root cause is the same. I thought that all of the people coming would be on the heavier side, but I have been surprised to learn that some have bulimia and/or anorexia. The main difference between me and them is that when I eat too much I don't throw up. I just feel sick for a couple of days and feel like an idiot. However, as the leader pointed out, we're gaining something from what we're doing. For me it boils down to trading one sick feeling in my gut for another one that doesn't feel as threatening. When I have the high anxiety, my knee-jerk reaction is to eat something. My body misinterprets that "hole" as hunger. I've been aware of it for quite awhile even before starting the group and have been working on it on my own, but the hard part for me is figuring what to do when I am feeling that way. We did an exercise last night, and part of it was coming up with alternatives. I had a hard time coming up with answers, so listened to everyone else and got some ideas that way.

I've had some bad anxiety this past week and am proud of the fact that several times I caught my desire to eat and realized that it was a stress response and didn't follow through. I'm learning to listen to my body better--I've had some situations where I realized I was THIRSTY or TIRED, NOT HUNGRY!! I've been so out of sync it's ridiculous.

We are using the book "Intuitive Eating," which is also used by The Center for Change, where the group is held. This book is amazing and totally makes sense to me--as I've read I've been like, "Yup. Yup. That's me!"

So this group thing is another good thing I'm doing for me. And I'm really glad that no one has said, "Well, der," to me. :)