Lots of Milestones

I am ashamed to see how long it's been since I've blogged. I don't spend much time online and when I do I usually give it to Facebook. It's just so much fun!

Shane graduated on May 28 from Mountain View High School. The ceremony was held at the Marriott Center and it was a great day. I didn't think I'd get emotional because I was just so glad and ready to be at that point. . .until he put the robe on. That did it! All of a sudden he looked so grown up!

Kelly's mother flew up from Texas for graduation, and his sister Jessie flew her son Nathan down from Iowa and they both stayed for about a week. It was a lot of fun having them here; we don't get to see Kelly's side of the family very often, so it really meant a lot to have them here. My mother also attended, and my brother Fred surprised us when he walked in with his family. Brittany's best friend Elisabeth came with us; she used to attend Mountain View but moved to Provo last year so graduated from Provo High the next day. She, Shane and Nathan have been friends since grade school so she wanted to be there. We all ate at Golden Corral afterward. It was so nice sharing the day with so many loved ones.

Shane had his mission physical on Friday, and has his dentist appointment tomorrow, so his mission papers are officially started! It's hard to believe we are actually to this point. I'm so proud of him! He has overcome a lot of challenges over the last several years and has stayed firm and true to what he knows is right. He has taken the initiative with meeting with the bishop to get his papers started; we haven't set it up or pushed it at all. He seems to have a good sense of direction.

You hear of blessings a lot when people talk about sending a missionary and having one out, and I believe we are certainly experiencing that already. A little over a month ago Kelly was laid off from his job because the technology he was over was moved offshore to India, and the strangest thing was that I didn't feel a sense of alarm over it. There have been things going on with that company for awhile that he didn't feel good about, but if he had gotten a job elsewhere he would have lost quite a bit of money. He had 11 years in with the company, which built up a sizeable severance package. With the layoff, he got the severance package as well as vacation/sick time that he had let accrue. Even without the severance, the vacation time was about 7 weeks of pay. One thing that was upsetting was that the timing of the layoff was just right to eliminate some stocks he was awarded last year for performance, which were vestable at the beginning of this month. Two weeks after the layoff Kelly got a call telling him that the local director was upset with the situation and went to bat for him. Kelly had never said anything, so this was surprising. The result was that his official termination date was extended to June 2 so that not only would he get the stocks, but he would also have an additional paycheck. In the current economy, this is absolutely unheard of. I firmly believe that one of the reasons we have had so many blessings this way is so that we can pay for Shane's mission.

Kelly was able to start interviewing fairly quickly, expecting to have to take a cut in pay. He ended up with two offers at the same salary he was making. One was with a local startup company that has some really great possibilities, and the position they offered him would work into a director/VP position if they grow the way they project. The other was with an established company in Riverton, which is only about a 30 minute commute. The deciding factor was benefits; the local company isn't large enough yet to offer the kind of health insurance we need, and the Riverton company has a package similar to the one we currently have. So Riverton won, and he starts work tomorrow. All said and done, this layoff ended up making us money. It is a relief to me to have some money that we can lay aside for a rainy day and put toward retirement. We are so grateful for the Lord's hand in this.

Truly, I feel that "the windows of Heaven" have been opened and I hardly have room to receive the blessings! I have often wondered if the time is right for me to work fulltime to help pay for Shane's mission but not feeling quite right about it, and I remember just a couple of months ago having the feeling to continue to make being home for the kids a priority and the Lord would take care of things, and He has. I really have felt that I still need to be close to home for Brittany, and it's going to take a little extra time and maturity for her before she is ready to start college and live more independently.

At the time I had that feeling, I also had a strong impression that one of the reasons Heavenly Father would take care of things is because I have sacrificed so much to be home for my kids. I had the strongest feeling early on that for my family it was very important. For some families, the mother needs to work fulltime or opts to, and it works well. For whatever reason, I just knew that that was not an option for me. It has been really hard at times, especially during lean times when we have struggled, and I've wondered if I was out of my mind. I've had a few part time jobs here and there, but inevitably they haven't lasted longer than a year because I would get a feeling that I needed to stop and then it would turn out that our kids needed extra support, whether with learning issues or other things. I believe strongly, especially now that we have diagnoses for our kids, that the reason it was more urgent for me to be home and be available is because our kids have needed extra support because of the challenges they have had.

I still hope to go back to working fulltime; my goal is to go back to being a secretary/office administrator in a college environment. That is what I did before I had Shane, and I loved it. If I can work at the local state university, our whole family can go to school free of charge, and I feel that that is a way we can cover the kids' educations. We don't have college funds set up, but this is another way that can be taken care of. But for now, Shane's mission is paid for already and we can set money aside to get Brittany started at college when she is ready. And I can continue to make being home a priority and enjoy my little part-time night job at the Distribution Center as a sanity saver. :) Who knows how many more therapy appointments we'll be in for over the next several years!

Falling to My Knees

Today I had the opportunity of again playing the piano at the Senior Citizens' Center for their variety show. I accompanied as well as provided background music. As before, I came away much more uplifted, I'm sure, than I could have lifted the people there.

I had a profound experience that humbled me to my very core and had me crying the whole entire drive home. Thank goodness for sunglasses; they served me well at the Arby's drive-thru where I stopped and got my very nutritious lunch on the way.

I got there at 11:00 to practice with the chorus (the variety show was at noon), and when I went to the room we were going to practice at, it was completely full with people of all ages in the mentally handicapped community. I went to the lunchroom/auditorium to find Margaret and it turned out that the handicapped people who were there were doing a talent show. Watching them perform absolutely dropped me to my knees. Most of these people don't have a mental age of more than 4 and many have severe physical limitations, as well. The show was so well-put together and so creatively done to accomodate them and enable them to share what they could, even if was just waving a scarf in time to a recorded song. I looked at their faces and saw how much joy they had in doing something so simple with their very limited physical bodies and realized just how very much I have to be thankful for. Even as I'm typing this the tears won't stop. The finale number was everyone dancing to "The Twist." Some could twist, some could just bob their heads in time to the music or wave their arms, some could just smile. And it was beautiful.

I have been very bogged down lately with worry over Brittany, and have also been dealing with a great deal of grief having to do with accepting that she has autistic traits. It was so bad for me yesterday that I asked Kelly for a priesthood blessing, which was a huge help and comfort. I was given some insights that helped a lot. When I showed up at the center and got to see this very special talent show, I knew that Heavenly Father was showing me how much worse it could be for her and pointing out that even with these severe disabilities these children of his still had joy in their lives, personally and to give to others. And can they teach others about Heavenly Father? Absolutely. I was reminded of the poem "Forgive Me When I Whine, I Have Two Legs, the World is Mine." My daughter has full use of her body, she is able to express herself and maintain emotional relationships. She is creative and intelligent and is able to express those qualities. She is compassionate and giving and has a darling sense of humor. A little glitchy in her processing, yes. Day to day can be a little labor intensive at times, but she will be fine.

Laura Ingalls Revisited

Lately I've been watching the old TV show Little House on the Prairie. It's on my local PBS station and I decided to start recording it. I have to say that it has been a very refreshing change from the offerings on current TV and cable. I think it really was the last of the really good, quality shows offered on TV. It is so nice to never have to worry about language or sexual content. I love that God is talked about and worshipped. I love that every show has a real life message that is in harmony with values that I hold dear. Brittany and I have thoroughly enjoyed the episodes in which Laura has been courting and newly married; she and her husband can fight with the best of them and it is a really great thing to watch conflict be resolved the right way.

The pilot episode of this show came out when I was in 3rd grade! My school teacher that year was reading the Little House books out loud to the class, and I remember how magical it was the day she announced that there was a new show on TV based on the books. We looked forward to that first magical night with great anticipation; I remember being so excited that the family dog, Jack, was even there. As I got older I lost interest and as a teenager even mocked it, especially when it was dramatic. But I have to say that for all his personal flaws, Michael Landon produced one amazing show that reflected the kinds of values so missing in our current rising generation. Love of country, family and God, and the value of honest, hard work. Good stuff!

And my new calling is. . .

Anyone who knows me really well is going to laugh their heads off, because yesterday I got my new calling in our new ward! I am the new Bear Den Leader.

Me plus dirt and bugs equals EWWW.

So far I like all the people I'll be working with, though--and this isn't totally new; Kelly and I were Bear Leaders when Shane was a bear. Can I just say that when they sustained me yesterday, though, my whole family thought it was hysterical.

I knew I was in for it when the counselor calling me said, "You know, some callings are harder to fill than others." He also alluded to needing someone with the time and organizational skills to pull it off. I can make the time, but obviously they haven't gotten to know me well enough to know that organizational skills are NOT my strong point! Creative, yes. Organized, NONONONONO!!

Still trying to decide how I feel about getting the pretty yellow leader shirt, and how excited I should get about earning boondoggle beads at Roundtable.

Stupid *BLEEP* Weather!!

So you can imagine what I REALLY wanted to put in the title. But I am a righteous LDS woman working at the Lord's store and I shouldn't talk like that. :)

I am so DARNED ANGRY. And here is why. Brittany has been doing fan-TABulous with her migraine/head pain for about a week and a half. We found some natural remedies that have been working wonders and have brought the pain down so quickly--one is Magnesium Ionic Fizz; it's in powder form and you mix it with about 6 oz. water like the Emergen-C stuff. The first time she tried it, her pain level was at an 8; 15 minutes later it was a 5 and by the time an hour had passed it was down to a 2. Not pain-free, but she is so used to pain that anything 3 or under is a pretty darned good day for her. I found out last week about peppermint essential oil for sinuses, and a friend told me it also works for headaches if you apply it to the temples and also across the forehead if it's really bad. The first day I tried that on her, her pain was down to a 2 or 3 with the fizz; after the oil it was down to .5!

You'd have to have been living at our house for the past 2 years to realize what a miracle that is. For the past few days she has had such low pain that she hasn't even needed anything.

Enter today. Woke her up for school and she was at an 8. Gave her the fizz. She begged to skip her first class and sleep an hour longer. Slept, got up and asked if it was okay to take the magnesium again. STILL AT AN 8!!! Took the fizz again. Stayed at an 8. Applied the peppermint oil. Pain cam all the way down to a whopping 6. Looked out the window to an overcast, low-pressure day with snow flurries. Realized that my suspicions that the weather plays a big role in this mess is right, because her really great days coincided with the weather.

I'll be darned if every time she has the worst migraines/headaches isn't on days like this. What am I supposed to do?! I can't change the weather and we can't move to Tahiti. My husband works in Orem, Utah and we happen to like and need his job!

Coming to Terms

Today I'm writing about a couple of things that have been at the forefront of my mind almost constantly in the last while. I have alluded to some of the challenges Brittany has had over the past couple of years with pain and other symptoms.

What I have not been very open about, and have a hard time verbalizing even to myself, is that Brittany has an autism spectrum disorder. This past summer, along with a bipolar diagnosis (also difficult for me to talk about), we also had her evaluated and received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. Hers was tricky to pin down because some of her symptoms aren't as obvious as others, and even within the dx of Asperger's there are different levels of severity. Brittany is incredibly high-functioning and intelligent, which you see a lot in Asperger's. I'm grateful that she is able to connect and interract with others, that she has empathy and compassion and is very tenderhearted towards others. Some with Asperger's don't understand what rude is; they are very factual and just call it as they see it (like "you stink," etc.). She enjoys humor and is really fun to be with.

The way my husband describes it is that she has just enough of it for it to be a frustration for her and for us. She doesn't naturally "get" social cues, especially the unspoken ones. She has told me this, and actually self-diagnosed a year or so before I finally went after an evaluation. We were talking about a boy about her age in our ward who has very obvious Asperger's and I was explaining why he does and says certain things, and how there are some things he doesn't understand. I mentioned social cues, and she asked me to explain that. When I did, she said, "I wonder if I'm autistic," and proceeded to tell me how she never knew what to do in groups of people. She also doesn't understand metaphors like "bite the bullet" and the like, which we Americans use all the time in conversation. She doesn't do well with not knowing what to expect and transitions are hard for her. She can be very rigid in needing things a certain way and gets into patterns or routines of how she does things, even if they don't make sense. Some of her patterns are that she has a "spot" on the right side of the dining room table where she dumps things; her backpack, any "cluttery" things of hers end up there. If it gets moved or cleaned up it's very distressing to her because then she can't find anything.

People with spectrum disorders tend to have a lot more physical complaints and symptoms than the average person, and I think that a lot of her digestive complaints and head pain may be associated with this. There is a connection with her migraines and the bi-polar; when she goes into a depressive cycle or peaks in a manic rage she gets the onset of a horrible, horrible migraine. Her physical symptoms have been so debilitating over the past few years, and it has been so hard for me to watch. . .especially because it has been so difficult to get relief for her.

I think we have the right mix on her meds for the bipolar, and she is doing much better with that. It took some tweaking to get it right, and I have felt over the past few weeks like "Oh, THERE you are!" and it's been so good to see her be more herself (one of the meds was too high and had a numbing effect).

School has been very stressful, and I've found myself to a point of wondering whether she is going to graduate next year and whether I should just encourage her to get her GED and go to community college from there. Almost nothing about the structure of high school works for her. Her most functional times are afternoon through late at night, not morning to early afternoon. I've tried everything to change that, but biologically she is just not built for mornings. She has trouble staying on top of 8 different classes, adjusting to 8 different teaching styles, and balancing that with all the other aspects of being a teenager.

Some days I find myself very worried about her future and how she will function. Other days she seems so "normal" and "fine" that I think I'm worried about nothing. Then we hit a crisis point where her frustration level has built and explodes and I think I must be crazy to think that everything will turn out fine.

Coming to terms. It's what I'm doing, what I've been doing, what I've been avoiding, what I can't seem to be able to do. It's what I have to do. And along with that is figuring out what expectations to let go of and how to best fill her needs in the ways that are most effective for her. I have to accept that I can't "fix" Asperger's or make it go away. I'm a fixer and I don't like having to accept when something can't be fixed. It's hard for me to accept the saying "It is what it is." I've been fiercely protective of her privacy because I haven't wanted her to be labeled or ostracized, but really maybe I've been more fiercely protective of myself, and by doing that have robbed her by pretending everything is "fine."

Sunshine on My Shoulders Makes Me hApPY!!

Oh, the sunshine is wonderful. It's amazing what it does for my outlook and sense of well-being! It's really much easier to feel that all is right with the world on a beautiful, sunny day.

I don't mind being able to wear short sleeves and flip-flops when it makes sense, either. :) Yes, I wear them when it's cold, too! I had an epiphane a couple of times this past winter when I actually wore socks out and realized that I really was much warmer. As a general rule I just don't like socks, so I don't wear them. I HATE the way they feel around the house; I'm almost always barefoot. Just not pregnant, LOL.

Shane's Eagle Pics, Finally

Okay, I know I didn't post the pictures when I swore I would last time, but thinking I was getting better only lasted a few hours when I developed a really bad ear infection. And, I needed help getting pictures off the cameras, which took longer than the MINIMAL TIME I spent on the computer over the last several days! Minimal, I tell you. . .only long enough to surf Facebook for a FEW MINUTES, Debbie! LOL :)

Shane's Court of Honor was on March 1. It was a lot of work to get ready, but it really went well. We found ourselves in the unique position of having it announced in three different wards, since our old ward was dissolved and redistributed. It was a very strange feeling, like he was a scout without a troop or something. We were very thankful for the great support we had--we had a really good crowd and even had to pull out extra seats, between former ward members, extended family and friends. We even had support from our new ward, who barely knows us.

Brittany was a lifesaver! She took the initiative in helping set things up, took pictures before it started, ran the camcorder during and led the music. Her friend Elisabeth took over the camera after it started. I was very grateful for Brittany's support; I was so tired by then!

Shane did a little freak-out on us and disappeared 45 minutes before it started, while we were setting up. He texted Kelly and said he just had to get away, and we were like, "You kind of need to be here!" He was freaking out about so much attention being directed at him, and thought we were going overboard with everything, which we really weren't. He just had never seen all the work that goes on behind the scenes to put one of these on. I think we did a nice job, but as far as displays go I've seen people go a lot more elaborate than we did; that aspect was pretty low-key. We had a table for his Eagle Project, which was constructing storage shelves for a nonprofit organization here in Orem called Kids On the Move, which provides early intervention for infants/children with developmental delays. We had some framed pictures (one of which has Shane rolling his eyes as he gave me the obligatory Mom hug after getting one of his awards; I couldn't resist!), a laptop playing one of his movie trailers, and a table with things representing his different interests.

Something that we did that I haven't seen a lot in other courts of honor is that we had opening and closing songs. Shane's best friend Nathan had that at his Court of Honor, and I thought it added a really nice touch so we followed suit. Four of Shane's cousins did the Color Guard, ranging in age from Cub Scouts through Scouts, and one of his friends from the troop conducted it. The speakers were all from our old ward--a brother who is a Silver Beaver, Shane's Young Men leader and our former bishop. Shane presented mentor pins to three men from our former ward who have been strong positive influences for him in scouting. One of them is currently in Thailand for work, but sent an email to be read. That meant a lot to Shane, because this brother was literally the only person who kept him hanging in there at one point. At Shane's request, Kelly administered the Eagle Oath and that was really cool. My brother Fred read the story of The Eagle and The Chickens and then invited all eagles to the Eagle's Nest, which ended up being huge! It was really cool to see Shane join them and sit next to my husband in the nest.

We had a little miracle happen in connection with this. Kelly's dad told Shane several years ago that he had something special to give him when he earned his Eagle. He died about 18 months ago and we never knew what it was he wanted to give him. Of course that was something that Shane wanted presented at the Court of Honor, so Kelly decided to give him a combat knife that his dad had given him several years ago. He had a feeling that was the right thing to give him (Kelly's dad was a retired Army colonel and served several tours of duty, including the German occupation after WWII, the Korean War and two tours of Viet Nam). Then about a week before the court of honor, Kelly was talking to his mother and she said that she had gone out to where his dad's tools were in the garage and found a knife in a sheath with "Trooper" burned into the sheath. "Trooper" was his nickname for Shane. She sent it in time for the court of honor and it turned out to be almost identical to the knife Kelly was going to give him, and we feel that that was what his dad had intended. We definitely felt his presence and influence in the weeks preparing, and that he was very aware of this milestone in Shane's life. One thing that Kelly reminded Shane of when he presented it to him was that Dad always had his own Eagle Award displayed in his medal case with all of his military awards, and his Eagle had the place of honor. He was highly decorated, and he always made a point to tell the boys he worked with in scouts that out of all of his medals, his Eagle was the most important to him.

Kelly put together a slide show to the song "Faith" from the TV series Enterprise. The lyrics to the song really apply to Shane and his experience, about not letting anything break him down. He has come through a lot and really hung in there through some tough peer and ward experiences. I'm grateful that he chose to finish and achieve this award, and I think that as time goes on he will be increasingly glad that he did, also.

Sick and Addicted

My name is Heidi, and I'm a Facebook Addict.

That's my biggest excuse for why I haven't posted about Shanes Eagle Court of Honor yet. . .I'm not on there all the time, but when I do get a minute to sit down at the computer, that's where I go first, presumably "just for a minute." Then an hour or two later I realize I'm still on there! I've even sat down before going to bed and had the same thing happen, when I was exhausted! It's bad.

My other excuse is that I have been sick this past weekend. But really, Facebook is the main reason.

I hereby pledge to blog about the COH tomorrow and to post photos HERE, before I post photos on Facebook!

Smad

No, that's not a typo. In the immortal words of Sookie from my favorite TV show ever, Gilmore Girls, "I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm. . .I'm SMAD."

Why am I smad? It's relatively small in the grand scheme of things, but frustrates me every time I go through the checkout line at the store. My favorite chewing gum always gets cancelled! The one I've been consoling myself with is Trident Sweet Mint Twist or something like that, and it's been GONE for about two weeks. I settled on that one after my all-time favorite Vanilla Mint Trident Splash disappeared off the shelves! That one upset me as much as when they cancelled Gilmore Girls.

What is a girl to do?!

Will This Ever Be Ready!

Tomorrow is Shane's Eagle Court of Honor, and I can't freakin' BELIEVE how much work it is to get everything ready! We're making good progress but there is still a LOT to do to tie everthing up.

I ordered a cake from Costco yesterday then went and picked it up today and went to Wal-Mart AGAIN (I feel like I'm living there again lately), got home and realized I had forgotten the plasticware and paper plates. grrrrr. So guess where I'm headed later!

I think it's going to be really nice, though! Kelly put together a slideshow to the themesong from the TV series Enterprise that just fits Shane and his experiences perfectly. I still have a lot to do with pictures (decided that putting a scrapbook together this late in the game is insane so I'm just saying no to that, but I need to put something together that showcases his Eagle project) and we're fine-tuning the programs.

My brother Fred is going to read the story of the eagle and the chickens, and we're framing a copy of it to give to Shane. If you've never heard it you can find it online, and I will also post it here sometime in the next few days. It's very inspiring to anyone, not just an eagle scout.

Well, I'm going to catch a quick catnap and then jump back into the madness!

Swingin' Times at the Senior Center!

Yesterday I had a phone message from a grandma in our old ward who is very involved at the Senior Citizens' Center in our community. She hosts a variety show every month and was having trouble getting a pianist and asked me if I could help out--TODAY. I got the music last night, went over it this morning and decided what I could handle on such short notice and what would have to be done A'Cappella.

I have to tell you about this lady. She is absolutely hysterical; it usually takes her 5-10 minutes to answer a question because when she starts talking she gets reminded of something else that she then talks about and sometimes she ends up back round to the original subject. She likes to sing for her testimony on Fast and Testimony Meeting. She totally cracks me up! In some ways she reminds me of my Grandma Thompson (Grandma didn't sing but she was a hoot in other ways) and I think that's one reason why I feel so much affection for Margaret.

So when I got to the Center I couldn't find her because she didn't think to tell me where they were practicing; it wasn't in the gym where they serve lunch and they had two ladies with guitars already performing. Finally tracked her down, and when I came in she was going over the program with the performers. One of the men was particularly full of himself, shaking his head at everything, and informed me that I was NOT accompanying him. I was like, "You're right; I'm not!" He was looking pretty sharp with his pressed black pants, white turtleneck and cell phone holder attached to his WHITE BELT WITH MUSICAL NOTES PRINTED ALL OVER IT!! After the group cleared out I sat down at the piano to run through a few songs and he treated me to an impromptu performance, after which he said, "No offense to your piano playing, but if you're the kind that just plays as it's written it won't work because you're supposed to follow me." So spunky me, I said, "Ahh, you like to take artistic license! I do follow the singer, but I was given this last minute so I would have said no anyway because it wouldn't be fair to me OR to you." He then proceeded to tell me that he and his wife are professionals because THEY get paid for singing at the Centers, and told me of an audition he went to for a musical many years ago where the pianist was just terrible and so he requested to sing without the piano. The director said, "So you think you're that good, huh?" and he said, "Yes, I am," smoked the audition and landed the lead role. And I thought male ego peaked during the teenage years! :)

I was sitting in the lunchroom for about 15 minutes before the variety show and it was so touching to me to watch the people around me. Some of them just cracked me up--they had decorated the tables with Mardi Gras beads and masks because today was Fat Tuesday, and one little old lady sat there with one of the huge feathery masks on the whole entire time. A lot of them were wearing the beads. Every now and then when a favorite song was played, one or two couples would get up and dance, and at one point a couple of ladies got up and danced, too. They really respond to the music!

I played old love songs for about 15 minutes as they got their lunches, and after finishing one of the songs I heard, "That was beautiful," and looked over to see a little man with an oxygen tank seated close to the stage. It really touched me how much a simple thing like providing some meager piano playing out of a simplified book can lift someone's spirit.

As I watched the little couples dance, I thought what a beautiful thing it was to see those little men still holding their wives tight and dancing with them. THAT is true love!

It was a really neat thing to see Margaret in her element. She spends every day socializing at the center and talks about it a lot at church. People giggle a lot when she raises her hand in church because of how she rambles and some of the funny things she does, but I have to say that watching her today was really something. She is a leader there, and people look to her. I saw faces light up as she greeted people, she got a more comfortable chair for the man with the oxygen tank. She looked absolutely beautiful in her dress. She really shines, and it's wonderful to see her doing what she can in her way to reach out to people!

Sweetheart Ball

As I'm writing this, both of my children are at the Sweetheart Ball at school (not with each other of course--I would have said, "Like gag me with a spoon," at the idea back in MY 80's high school days; no personal offense to my brother, but seriously!). It has been quite a week in more ways than one, and it's fun to see them having these experiences.

Brittany's date just picked her up a few minutes ago, and he seems like a very nice young man. He brought her a beautiful corsage. He looks a lot like Clark Kent to me, except with curly hair. :) Going dress shopping with Brittany was so much fun; we found a dress that is very modest and attractive, and she looks absolutely stunning! It's a black print; it's totally unfair how great she looks in black!

Shane's group left awhile ago; the guys stopped by here to get dressed before picking their dates up, and he looked sharp as well--black and red. I'll post pictures if they give me copies of their dance pix.

They are both out with people they haven't gone out with before, and I am glad. They both went through breakups recently, and it's good to see them having fun with and getting to know other people. It's a nice change from the drama that's been going on around here for the past few weeks. Teenage relationships make me tired; I'm thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I didn't date in high school. The drama in college was almost too much for me at times, and that was with people who were supposedly more mature!

Thank Goodness for Small Miracles!

Today I had a jolting experience. As I was coming home from the grocery store and hit the last block or so from our home, frozen snow started sliding off the roof of my van in large chunks. As I pulled into the driveway and stopped, an AVALANCHE fell on my windshield! I cleared it with my wipers, backed up to reposition the van and pulled up again, and even more covered the windshield. It has been frigid the last two days along with snowfall, and today we have had lots of sunshine. Thus the frozen chunks (HUGE) sliding all of a sudden! I'm so thankful that that didn't happen while I was driving, because I couldn't see a think for those seconds before I got the windshield clear. That could have been a very bad situation on the road.

It's amazing how many sudden, unexpected things can happen and have scary consequences. I definitely felt like I was being watched over! I'm glad I prayed for safety this morning.

Shaking Hands and Heart in My Throat

Yesterday was ward conference in our new ward, and I was asked to play a piano solo for Relief Society. This was only our 3rd Sunday in the ward, so the RS president referred to it as my baptism by fire. :)

I had a little over a week to prepare, so I opted to play one of my own pieces. Well, sort of. So far I haven't completely anything COMPLETELY original, but I have written arrangements of and accompaniments to hymns for choir. The first one I ever did is a medley of the hymns on prayer, and with a little tweaking it works as a piano solo as well. I figured that my nerves would probably kick in pretty good since I'm not in a comfort zone anymore, so I chose that one (I performed a not-my-own-work solo of Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing in our old ward a few months ago and getting it ready gave me fits, so I figured that taking nerves into account it would be a bad choice this time).

Practicing went well and I actually got pretty bored with it. Didn't feel nervous at all the morning of, not in Sacrament Meeting or anything. I went to the RS room during Sunday School to run through it a couple of times and get the feel of that piano, and it went fine; even with people walking in and out and setting up for RS. (The tone on that piano is so lovely that it really smacked me in the face how badly our piano needs to be tuned!)

Then Relief Society started and I about had a stroke! Something that always worries me is blanking out while I play. Sometimes I'm able to get into this "zone" where I'm not consciously concentrating on what I'm doing and I get lost in the music, and that's when I play best. But if that gets broken by a distraction I can find myself staring at the music without it registering where I am, even though I've been reading it the whole time. It's horrible when that happens! That worry, coupled with seeing again all these sisters whom I don't know, really got me going. It didn't help that as the RS president was introducing the program she said that she had heard me practicing and I was "amazing." I sat there thinking, "Well now I'm jinxed for sure!" I said a few prayers and was able to enjoy the speakers and found myself relaxing. My hands didn't get cold or anything. Then, when it was time I started playing and it was fine. Then halfway through the piece, as I got into the more involved parts that also call for more emotion, my freaking hands started trembling, and my heart literally moved up into my throat! Through that, though, I actually was able to pull off one of my better performances and made few mistakes--more obvious to me than them, I think.

I ended up happy with the performance, and so many people were so kind and complimentary. That was a good feeling. I was even happier when I was able to stop shaking about 20 minutes later!

Teenage Drama=Headaches for Me

Oh my, what a zoo it has been around here the past few days. It's quite the experience to witness your children deal with the complexities of dating relationships as teens. Brittany has been dealing with this kind of drama this week; not sure if it's resulting in a breakup or in a better relationship as they are learning to communicate better. The past two days it has seemed "over," but tonight they're out together with a friend.

It's been a little exhausting for me, but I've been happy that Brittany is speaking up and communicating how she wants to be treated. A couple of nights ago when things came to a head, I got a text from her boyfriend and ended up texting him for about 30 minutes clueing him in on why she was upset. I never imagined THAT would happen! I've always made a point of trying to establish a comfortable relationship with my kids' friends and dates; I never imagined that that would result in being enlisted by the one who ISN'T my kid to help with a misunderstanding. It was pretty surreal!

I'm so glad I'm not a teenager any more.

So Far, So Good!

I am happy to report that the way we are approaching Brittany's school schedule this semester seems to be a good solution.

True to the pattern of the past two years, her migraines and days not feeling well have increased in frequency, with the worst of it being first thing in the morning. I vowed after last year that I would not do the home and hospital option again; it was hard on both of us and we really didn't like each other too well by the time spring rolled around. She's been doing better mood-wise with the medication she's been on, and I was hoping against hope that we wouldn't have a repeat of last year. Last week was the first week back to school and also the end of term, and it was a hard week. Having her schedule changed so that 1st period on both days (block schedule--A and B days) is released time like seminary turned out to be an easy adjustment to make since she had Geometry 1st period, and the other 1st period class was one that she never signed up for and would have had changed anyway.

So this week we have been operating on this modified schedule, and it is making a big difference. I am very hopeful!! She is still in quite a bit of pain when she first gets up, but it allows her to sleep a little later and take a bit longer to get ready if she needs to. I still have her take her meds early so that they are in her system, then let her go back to sleep. The only drawback is that I have to take her since it's later, but I'm happy to make that adjustment. She has been a real trooper! Brittany is my hero in so many ways; I'm amazed at what a strong person she is.

Yay Me!!

I'm so excited about something that I just have to tell about it; I have exercised every day, including today, since Monday!

Monday through Wednesday Brittany went to the indoor track at the Rec. Center and walked, and today I did water aerobics. She and I have decided to meet there after school three days a week, since it's right there by the high school. Monday I wasn't counting on lasting very long, not because of muscle issues, but because I have had so much trouble with my left knee for a long time. It's the reason I quit my membership at Curves and started water aerobics. The glorious thing is that we did 30 MINUTES and I had practically no pain! What pain I did experience was toward the end, and I wasn't sore afterward. That right there is a testament to the miracle of exercising in the water. I experience almost no pain in my knee anymore; I do get stiffness sometimes but it is so much better. It's because I started water aerobics a month before starting my job at the Distribution Center that I was able to work two jobs on my feet during the holiday season. I'm so thankful for this progress!

My exercise of choice is still water aerobics. I love being in the water! I love the way I feel during and after, and how hard I'm able to exercise. It is also very soothing to me. I remember the first time I ever got into a swimming pool; I was in 2nd grade and we went on a field trip to swim at BYU. I had never been swimming before and had no idea what to do, but I remember feeling the same way I do now when I go. It's a weird thing to say something can be so relaxing while you're working out; working out typically doesn't feel that way. I love it!

Business Trips are Yucky

Kelly is in Florida on business. He left on Sunday afternoon and will get back Thursday night. I don't like it when he's gone. We got cell phones for me and the kids for Christmas, though, and I am enjoying flirting with him over text messaging. :) I miss him.

He has had a lot of opportunities for travel with his job; this is about his 5th trip to Florida, which is where their sister office is. Last year they went to Disney World for a day on one of their trips and I scored a totally awesome Disney World T-shirt out of that deal. I mean, why go there yourself when someone can bring you back a T-shirt from THEIR trip? Especially when it's your husband!!

I'm not bitter, not at all!

He's been to some really cool places on business--Boston twice, New York City complete with THREE BROADWAY PLAYS and don't even get me started on the fine dining, India twice (three weeks at a time), and trips to California, Oklahoma, Texas and Maryland. I have to say the ones to New York and Boston about killed me; two places I have always wanted to go. When he got sent to New York, I had about 30 minutes notice and he was gone for two weeks!

I am going to get my perks one day, I tell you! I'm glad that he gets these opportunities and does so well with his job. He has had some amazing growth opportunities. We always dreamed of this; I just always pictured me going along with him! One time when he was gone we were talking on the phone and he said, "I'm so tired of eating out." I started laughing hysterically at that point and he said, "What?" I said, "Yeah right, I'm so sure--as you're eating at those nice restaurants you're thinking "Boy, I sure wish I could have Heidi's spaghetti right now." And he insisted that he missed home cooking. I was like, "We're having macaroni and cheese tonight, aren't you jealous?!"

So THIS is what Heaven is Like

Yesterday was our first day in our ward (see Lots of Tears post if you want to read about the realignment) and oh my goodness, what a wonderful day we had! We were greeted with open arms and so much warmth. And I can't tell you how good it felt to be in a full chapel! I sat and cried through most of Sacrament Meeting. I can't gush enough.

The Relief Society president greeted us in the foyer, introduced herself and it was evident that this ward went to the effort to find out about us when they knew we were being added. She asked about Brittany (Brit was home with bad migrain) and said that she was told she's sick a lot. I was really impressed; she was so personable and friendly. We went into the chapel and Shane went over to the Sacrament table while Kelly went to the restroom, and the bishop came right over to me, introduced himself and said they were so glad to have us, and could the bishopric come and visit this afternoon? The sacrament table had 3 priests administering (I'd forgotten that that's usually the case since Shane has often been a lone priest with either Kelly or another adult up there with him. Mostly young men passed the Sacrament, instead of mostly adults.

The Priest Quorum visited Shane this past Wednesday and none of them were scary. He came out of church SO HAPPY yesterday and said, "I'm not alone." It still makes me cry to think or tell about that.

The bishopric visited yesterday afternoon, and yesterday evening the Young Women's President came over with five or six girls to visit Brittany and introduce themselves. They brought a card with a candy bar saying "You're an important part of our symphony," the favor they got in class yesterday, and a calendar with temples on it that the girls got for Christmas. The Relief Society presidency is visiting me tomorrow morning.

You'd have to have "been there" to really get what a trying experience the last several years have been. They really have been a trial of faith. It has been hard work hanging in there (I could write several books explaining why, but won't). For the first time in I don't know how long I felt ENERGIZED coming home from church yesterday. For the longest time it's been exhausting, and until yesterday I didn't realize how draining it has been to deal with the challenges in our old ward.

There is such a strong spirit in our new ward. It absolutely hit me over the head as I was sitting there. My soul just soared. And I cried--lots and lots of tears again, but good tears.