Lots and Lots and Lots of Tears

My goodness, I haven't cried as much without breaks as I did yesterday and last night.

As I alluded to in my "Feeling Chatty" post, our stake was realigned yesterday. I've been through realignments and splits before, so figured I'd be okay. I had a pretty good idea of where our family was going to end up, and I was right. The thing that made it so awful was that. . .

The ward we have been attending for the past 9 years, since Shane was in 3rd grade and Brittany was in 2nd, went up in a puff of smoke. Gone. Obliterated. I wasn't prepared for how the words "Cherry Hill 4th Ward is now dissolved," would feel. There have been a lot of challenges in our ward and the thought that we should be dissolved and redistributed has entered my mind many times over the past 3 years. . .I had no idea it would be so darned emotional for me.

Everyone in the stake met for their scheduled sacrament meetings only, and then we had the "stake business" meeting at the Provo Tabernacle. As I walked into our sacrament meeting and sat there I was flooded with memories and since I already knew our family was vulnerable to being moved because of where we're situated I had some very real grief at leaving people I have developed so much love for. I've been teaching Relief Society for the past 4 years and have loved and grown so much in that calling. We have amazingly sweet sisters in our neighborhood.

Anyhoo, I thought that what they would do is expand the ward over to the rest of the neighborhood where they added that part on to another ward on the other end of the stake, so that we would have more members. I had the hope that we would stay, but knew the likelihood was low because our house naturally goes with another ward and was actually added on to 4th ward at a previous realignment about 15 years ago. As I thought would happen, we were restored to the previous ward. Comforting to me was the thought that a couple of other families further down our road would go with us, too, but our little section of add-on doesn't go down that far. I will be pretty much by myself sitting in Relief Society on Sunday, because we are almost the only active people on our part of the street.

After the meeting I just couldn't keep the tears back; especially because we were sitting by one of the families that we thought would go with us. She looked at me and I just fell apart. Our ward was redistributed among 4 wards. I was feeling particularly picked on because just about everyone else has a good chunk of the neighborhood that will stay together, and we don't. I felt like an 8-year old crying, "What if they don't like me!"

I'm feeling better today, and I know it's the right thing for this neighborhood of ours. We have had the largest area of "mission field," and this is going to give two wards opportunities for service that they probably haven't had before. Whoever our poor bishop has been at any given time in 4th ward has had to deal with situations that would toast a lot of people's toes. I remember one of the counselor's wives telling me when we first moved into the ward that her husband had gotten calls to houses before, late at night, and told her if he wasn't back by a certain time to call the police. That has been par for the course.

I've found myself wondering how the very affluent ward who acquired part of that neighborhood is going to handle the elderly sister who likes to get up every fast Sunday and sing a song as part of her testimony? And the special needs family whose 18 year old is mentally 4 years old, likes to wear princess tiaras to church, carries a pink and purple toy cell phone and is very loud and strong when she is upset, and the mother is mentally about 12 and likes to lead music by just waving her arm around? That sister has been leading Relief Society for several years--she has no idea what she's doing, but she loves it and that is a way she can be involved and our ward has just accepted them where they are. There are going to be some eye-popping moments, methinks. One thing that has been wonderful about 4th ward is the unconditional love and acceptance. We felt that immediately when we moved in, which was a relief to me because we were going through some very tough times financially. Absolute acceptance. The active members who have been "holding the fort down" for many years are some of the most Christlike people I have ever met.

One thing that struck me today after I got up and my head cleared was what a beautiful thing it can be to have 4 bishops in that small area instead of one. Four sets of stake missionaries, four Relief Society presidents, four young men's presidents and four young women's presidents. 4th Ward has been carrying a lot for a long time, and was just to the point where it couldn't go on anymore the way things have been. It has been really hard on our youth, who have been dropping out of activity like flies for the past several years. I think the changes will be good for the kids, who need the association of more active LDS youth.

I really hope that we can still maintain the relationships that are there. It absolutely kills me to think of losing them.